I have a confession: I almost deleted my blog today. Just deleted it; no warning, no nothing. But as you can see, I didn’t. I may one day, I almost certainly will, but I think I will keep it for a little while longer.
I wasn’t going to delete it because I don’t love the blog community, because I really do. But I have found myself enjoying posting less and less. It has become more of chore than the therapeutic activity that it used to be.
Blogging has started to bring one of my shortcomings to the surface.
I worry about what other people think. Much more than I should be. To be honest: Constantly. With everyone that I meet and with everything that I say.
And last night an article of mine was published; one that was quite controversial. Hurtful to some people even, though it was completely inadvertent. And negative comments were thrown my way. And while I’m still proud of what I wrote, I still agree with almost everything that I said, I was quite shook up.
It’s not as if the comments were mean or nasty in any way. They were just not impressed with what I had written. And it made me realise how much I censor what is on here as well for fear of offending, or even boring people. I wanted to put my article up here, but I found my finger faltering, and that was when I went to delete this whole thing instead.
I don’t want to worry about followers, and I don’t want to worry when people seem to find my posts average or uninteresting. I want to write for me. And if people want to read it then hooray. But if they don’t, well then, that’s ok too. But I don’t want to censor what I write, even if my opinions may be a little controversial sometimes.
It’s hard though, to find that courage. Because the problem with the written word is that it can never be completely erased, even when ideas and opinions evolve and change.
Do you guys ever struggle with this?
19 comments:
I'm glad you didn't delete your blog, honestly. I enjoy reading what you write and I enjoy learning about your opinion. I think there aren't enough strong, intelligent women out there saying what sharing their opinions. Please don't let yourself be bullied into silence.
What you write about may not please everyone... in fact, it may piss people off. But you may reach one person, and that's enough.
I struggled with this when posting about vegetarianism a little while back... I have a lot of friends (and my partner) who eat meat, and I didn't want to offend them... but you shouldn't need to censor yourself for anybody (partners included) if you're writing on a topic that you're passionate about.
Hang in there!
There's a quote that goes: "I rather be hated for who I am; than loved for who I am not."
I have experienced THIS on more than one occasion. But I decided to end THAT chapter after my last blog, "A Reflection by Tuesdai." I remember it like yesterday...there I was posting fashion illustrations, Giveawaaaays, Guess Who's?, "Things I love Monday's," and blog interviews for over 200 followers day after day but because it was COMPLETELY out of my character I couldn't relate to any of it. But in an attempt to gage interest and keep it an audience that was NOT me; I continued--and BOY was it miserable. It was almost like I was cheating myself out by the minute pretending to be who THEY wanted me to be, than who I was. So as schedule, everytime I got online, I became the type of girl I secretly rolled my eyes when I stumbled upon her blog because she was EXHAUSTING! One day I just couldn't take those "OMG, this is so cute!!!" comments anymore; I figured enough was enough. So I ended it that day and started over as 3 months later. And that's how I ended up with "Letters in a Treehouse." This blog is a place where I can say exactly what I'm feeling and thinking without worrying about who LOVES it or who doesn't. It's MY letter in MY treehouse. I can stay there as long as I please. Because it defines me.
You're a GOOD writer. Never feel like you have to write for people. Because PEOPLE will have you jumping through loops and then have the nerve to change their minds in middle. How about that!? Those who are a fan of yours will always be a fan. And those who are NOT real fans will eventually find a way to leave or complain. That's their problem...don't make it yours.
I personally enjoy coming here to read your thoughts. And whenever you're just tired (because you just want to start a new charpter) leave then, but only because YOU wanted to... not because someone else said that they would :)
I have struggled with blogging becoming a chore. I used to post about 5 days a week. Now I can only do about one, which doesn't seem to be what people want. It has become more of something that I feel like I have to do, than want to. I am still discovering what I really truly want to blog about.
I go through phases where it feels like a chore and when I love it. Just try to remember that this is for you, this is your space, and you can come and go as you please.
If you can find again, and maintain that courage - i think it can be so rewarding! Like you say - it's not about the followers - but if you say what is true and expressive and important for you - you will connect genuinely with those who feel the same.
I think Tuesdai Noelle reflected this well in talking about ending her other blog...
I don't know your work - I am new to blogging and your space - but felt compelled to respond to your honesty.
I have experienced already so much enjoyment from the blogging community - but can see that there are quite a few downsides... not the least leaving oneself open to criticism ... and watching the stats too closely. But there will always be people who feel comfort in discouraging others and being critical... and many of us really do want to be liked and accepted. I guess it's learning to balance and negotiate the two that help us stay true to our selves.
I'm really happy you didn't delete your blog - and put the call out instead - very brave!
Oh geez, where do I begin?
I've had the exact same problem with my blog. In fact, I've been thinking about deleting all of my blog posts and restarting because of what people might think or say of my blog.
See, I'm a person who vents through writing. When I wrote that post "Awkward..." (you may remember it, it was about me and interaction with people) I so feared what people might think of me. People could be offended, or find me laughable. And I've had that same sentiment with a few other posts as well.
But eventually I decided the following: if I can't write about personal things, writing is not for me. It's who I am, and I take this seriously. So, that kind of makes what other people think redundant.
And you know something else. The blogosphere is a very friendly one. Most people appreciate what you have to say and I'm pretty sure most people find you an inspiration, like I do. (I'm so not saying this to suck up because I'm already rolling my eyes at myself.) Followers are people who like to read what you have to say, even if you yourself think it's not worth it or it's offensive. I don't know what you wrote in the article that was published, but on here I've never seen a post of yours that was offensive in any way.
And so, if you do offend a few people along the way - who cares, really? You can't always please everyone anyway.
What was that dr Seuss quote again?
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
Here's the thing:
It's easy to be 'brave' when you're criticizing someone else's efforts.
It's challenging to be brave when you are exposing yourself to potential criticism--especially when it's something that you feel very strongly about or is extremely personal that makes you feel vulnerable. But by continuing to do what you love--in spite of criticism--you will be happier than if you gave up because a handful of people weren't impressed with you.
And eventually you'll be able to see the criticism more objectively--you can take everything with a gran of salt, learn from the feedback that is valuable, and discard the rest.
I would love to read the article you wrote. But I get it--sometimes I think things I initially write on my blog are FAR too geeky to actually publish. It's something I'm working to overcome.
I have had nasty and mean comments and it really isn't fun.
For me, I have had a general lack of interest in a lot of things just with the winter coming on (seasonal depression...). I don't blog as much as I used to or would like to express myself, but in reality most people that have a full-time job and are in graduate school would do that.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts :)
I do struggle with that sometimes. I think it's mainly because you know a decent number of people read your blog and you don't want to upset them unintentionally.
Though I do think they wouldn't be worth much if they give you a hard time for having an opinion.
I'm glad you didn't delete your blog though. If you're feeling fed up, just step away from it for a while and take a breather.
Well, first I don't see as a downsize of blogging but of life... there's always people who're going to hurt, not care and enjoy you, your words and your emotions and states of mind - your Many Colours.
I don't see much worse seeing it in written than to hear in on the face.
The only difference is, really, in you. And you read and re-read it and it gets bigger and worse. The same when you rewind a discussion you had in your head - even a minor altercation in the sub-way.
I'd be sorry to learn that you deleted the blog. It's a huge part of you but, let's face it, just a tiny part for me. So you should do what you want. You shouldn't care and worry for it more than you do to all other aspects of your well-being.
If you meditate do you do it on a daily basis, twice a day, why did you stopped???
And, guess what, the answer interests just you and only you. Because in the end of the day you'll be the one alone in and with yourself. We'll turn off our computers and head our things, our own dilemmas, our own short-comings or our own fairytales and amazing lives and I like to think that when reviewing the day we'll think about your post, or something you said in it that rung a bell, or even wake-up considering coming here to see if you wrote something that would suggest you got over with it.
And if you delete the blog we'll still wonder "I wonder what's up with Many Colours?" "Is she having a good time away?" so deleting the blog - if it makes you feel good to vent and have a soundboard - wouldn't change that much, would it pretty girl?
Take Care and don't hit the erase and rewind. There's pause in blogs, live and relation for some reason and for these times.
Take Care Pretty.
Yours,
Teresa
please don`t erase your blog!!
even if ( well thats for sure)you evolve and change opinions and writing style or whatever, its always important to keep things we wrote before. its important to be selfcritical about what we are writing. and that can take some time.
now blogging can get a bit boring sometimes. not your blogging. all blogging. its ok to take a bit of a brake and believe me it always comes back. and it is about the followers and it is about the comments and it is about the rates. writers need an audience. otherwise they would write a diary not a blog or an article or a book. don`t be that hursh to yourself. just take it easy and learn from your writing : )
Nancy pretty much summed up my thoughts, word for word: "I'm glad you didn't delete your blog, honestly. I enjoy reading what you write and I enjoy learning about your opinion. I think there aren't enough strong, intelligent women out there saying what sharing their opinions. Please don't let yourself be bullied into silence."
You will never, ever please everybody. And that is a hard thing to learn and to accept and to carry. And you may never even please yourself--what you write or make or create on stage may never live up to those internal expectations. I think that is the burden all creative types have to bear. But I think silencing yourself worsens that; those expectations and wants and creative desires will still burn just as brightly but, worse, I suppose, would be their zero expression. Where does the self-censoring stop? At words, actions, other forms of arts?
It's so, so difficult and understandable and the funny, brilliant thing about this - about you, really - is that you have the courage and the fearlessness to already do this. Because you have. Maybe people didn't like that one article--but that doesn't mean they won't like the next and that doesn't mean they don't like you, or your spirit. You know? I am so incredibly relieved you didn't delete your blog because I love reading it and I look to you for inspiration so, so often. You are such a courageous, honest woman. And they are beautiful things--beautiful, virtuous things--that should never be silenced or censored or controlled by the opinion of another. xx
Fuck people.
I would seriously miss your blog if you left. I look forward to reading it every day. Then again, that is another example of one person's opinion :) You should do what makes you happy. I for one feel safe in saying, without having read it, that your article was a great one. A mediocre one wouldn't have gotten ANY feedback. I hope you'll stay a while longer (at least long enough for us to trade email addies before you go). Xoxo
I definitely sympathise with you about feeling that blogging is becoming less and less therapuetic and more and more of a chore. I once said, just thinking aloud and planning my day, that I have got to blog this afternoon because I owe it to the world. The person I was with at the time quickly corrected me. You owe the world nothing. If you don't feel like it one day, don't do it. And if you have something you want to say, say it the way it feels right for you to say it, and let people pick and choose what they agree with. Regardless of what it is you're talking about, I identify with your posts - you are so clear in your opinions and so honest and personal that I for one, and so many of your other followers, are made to think about ourselves. I love what you say and how your posts have helped me to rediscover myself, and I can't thank you enough. Do it for yourself, and rest assured that whatever you decide to say, even if there are arguers, there will always be loyal supporters.
I'm an academic and I'm open to criticism all the time. I've just submitted an article to a journal, and I know that many people will not receive it well. But someone once said that it's not about you, it's about what you're writing about, and f that's important then there's yours answer.
I've never felt like deleting my blog, like you it's not about the following. I have a few readers but they've become such great friends.
At the end of the day it's about what makes you happy, and what you want to do. But lets email or something. I was going to ask you to do a guest post on my blog! Let me know if that would interest you at any point :)
Thanks for the info on the Darling Sisters Boutique, I noticed that they sell online too. I'm more a fan of the 1980s, 1970s styles but I would still love to make a trip out to their store :)
I'm at the airport which is why I'm posting this anonymously. But yes, of course I feel like this (never about deleting my blog - but censoring myself).
but I love reading what you write no matter what side of yourself you show on any particular day. so go ahead and show him (raise your freak flag as they say).
xo
Decoybetty.
Kaylia, I struggle with this all the time. Especially lately. I find myself wanting to get offline more and more, but at the same time, I still really want to engage with my friends online. It's really hard to find that balance. I'm glad you didn't delete your blog. I think the key with it all is to ignore the number of followers you have and write posts that make you happy, that allow you to say what you need to say. You are a beautiful person and will always have friends -- and even more will flock your way because you are so honest and real, especially in a space that can feel so unreal sometimes.
don't go deleting your blog!
I've had those moments though, and I've had my blog for 6 years!!! Wow! :)
I guess, if it's sucking you dry, I understand deleting it. But I think you're a writer at heart, and would miss it so ;)
And we would miss you!
Hello there! I chanced on your blog from an article you wrote for Her Canberra.
Just thought I would share my own experience. When I first started blogging in year 2000, I was really worried about comments that I would get, and how people would judge me.
But, over time, I think you get used to it. While some comments may be nasty, I try to see the positive sides to those.
Whatever it is, write what you want. Don't be constrained by what others think. After all, it is your space. Let the imagination run free :)
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