I have a confession: I almost deleted my blog today. Just deleted it; no warning, no nothing. But as you can see, I didn’t. I may one day, I almost certainly will, but I think I will keep it for a little while longer.
I wasn’t going to delete it because I don’t love the blog community, because I really do. But I have found myself enjoying posting less and less. It has become more of chore than the therapeutic activity that it used to be.
Blogging has started to bring one of my shortcomings to the surface.
I worry about what other people think. Much more than I should be. To be honest: Constantly. With everyone that I meet and with everything that I say.
And last night an article of mine was published; one that was quite controversial. Hurtful to some people even, though it was completely inadvertent. And negative comments were thrown my way. And while I’m still proud of what I wrote, I still agree with almost everything that I said, I was quite shook up.
It’s not as if the comments were mean or nasty in any way. They were just not impressed with what I had written. And it made me realise how much I censor what is on here as well for fear of offending, or even boring people. I wanted to put my article up here, but I found my finger faltering, and that was when I went to delete this whole thing instead.
I don’t want to worry about followers, and I don’t want to worry when people seem to find my posts average or uninteresting. I want to write for me. And if people want to read it then hooray. But if they don’t, well then, that’s ok too. But I don’t want to censor what I write, even if my opinions may be a little controversial sometimes.
It’s hard though, to find that courage. Because the problem with the written word is that it can never be completely erased, even when ideas and opinions evolve and change.
Do you guys ever struggle with this?