I am the kind of girl who overthinks things. Not everything..but things that are especially important to me. Maybe that's necessary sometimes, but sometimes it is better to follow your heart and go with the flow.
I did not want to teach. Every rational part of me told me it was a bad idea.
Not only was I terrified, but at the age of 10 I decided i did not have anything to say to children and I have stuck by that. When I started this degree, I had NO idea I would be placed in mainstream schools (I was only interested in special needs). I was on the verge of dropping out of uni altogether only a few short weeks ago.
But I decided, against all better judgement, that I didn't have anything to lose. And so I went.
And I loved it.
I loved getting to know the kids. They were amazing little people, and much more complex than i had ever given anyone under 13 credit for.
I loved those moments when you knew you had made a connection with a difficult student. And while things weren't going to always be smooth sailing with them, it wasn't going to be impossible anymore.
I loved those moments when a student who had been struggling with a subject suddenly got it. They were so proud. I was so proud.
I loved when my lessons got through to the students, when they were interested in what I was saying and were excited about learning.
I loved the funny comments, the joking around, the colour and the laughter.
I loved that every day was different, and new, and nothing ever went according to plan and that was ok.
I loved the last three weeks.
While there were tantrums, tears (both the students and mine), lessons that were complete and utter disasters, days where the kids went completely nuts and made me feel like screaming, sleepless night after sleepless night planning lessons, days where I wanted to run away and never set foot in the place again...
I wouldn't have had it any other way.
While I could sit and think about all that went wrong, contemplate whether this is what I want, discuss it for days..I'm not going to.
It felt right. And when it comes down to it, that's really all that matters.
Even if common sense is telling me to run :p