Friday, January 21, 2011

counting down the hours...

I am marrying my best friend tomorrow.

I am nervous and excited.

And oh so happy.

Thank you for being such an amazing person Joel :)

ps. I'll be out of the blogosphere for the next fortnight for the honeymoon. I hope you all have a wonderful wonderful few weeks :)

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Hen's Night!

It has been pretty crazy lately, and looks set to get even crazier, so I have decided to forgo any semblance (as small as it often is in my case!) of a meaningful post and just write about my hen's night, complete with the less incriminating photos.

It really was a wonderful night though. I felt so loved and realised how lucky I am to have such lovely friends. My sister organised the whole thing. In case I haven't mentioned it before, she the most thoughtful person I know. Which sucks around Christmas/my parent's birthdays because she always gets the perfect gift whereas I tend to mess up (I got my dad Mein Kampf for father's day once because he loves history and I thought it would be an interesting glimpse into the mind of a mad man. Let's just say he was less than impressed).

But basically she got anything anatomy related that she could find (and I think she found everything), which very much appealed to both of our senses of humour. Then we all ate chinese food and sushi, drank cocktails (that my lovely friend Megan provided because she is in America at the moment), and danced (Ok, I danced. Just me. I get too enthusiastic sometimes).

Then my friend showed up as a 'Hot Cop' because he knows Arrested Development is my favourite show. (There was no stripping. I cannot stress that enough. I am such a prude I probably would have cried.). That pretty much made my night.

Then my sister and my friends surprised me with a limo they had organised to drive us around the city for an hour. There was even champagne. It was pretty amazing.

Lastly we finally went into the city and I had to complete a number of dares, like finding someone to 'walk me down the aisle', buy me a drink etc. We met so many lovely people that night who helped us finish our dares without being 'too nice'.

The only downer was when I fell down the stairs and hurt my wrist. I would blame it on the cocktails, but I had already tripped down the steps at home twice that morning and so I think I just wasn't made to stay standing upright.

And that was my night. Not the most exciting post I know, nor the most coherent..but hey, I tried!

Wednesday, January 12, 2011


After reading everyone's goals for the coming year, I decided that maybe I should make a goal for myself. One that I should have made a long time ago.

That goal is to forgive.

Not to forgive any person nor any in event in particular. But to incorporate this word into a way of life.

I for one, find people who just cannot let things go very frustrating. In fact I really hate to see that trait in people.

But I guess what we dislike the most in other people is what really bothers us about ourselves. At least I'm that way.

The more you care about someone, the more you hurt when they mess up. And it can be really hard to move on. Saying the words 'I forgive you' is easy. Almost too easy. Sometimes it's difficult to say what you really mean. But it's always easy to say what you don't. And there comes a point when you have to say those words. Even if you don't mean them. Because it has been too long. And you can't stand people who can't forgive. And so you pretend you have.

But then, when something goes wrong, maybe something doesn't even have to go wrong, maybe you're just tired of holding it all in, you bring it up again. But talking doesn't make it better. Neither does dwelling. It just makes it so much worse.

And all involved end up feeling horrible. And nothing is resolved.

I am not saying that anyone has done anything awful to me. I have been very lucky in that I have always been surrounded by wonderful kind-hearted people. People who have always made me feel special and loved.

But it's inevitable that when you spend so much time and so many years with someone, whether they be family, friends or lovers; that you will end up hurting each other at some point.

I know I have hurt the people I love. Many times. And they forgive me. So easily.

I don't want to walk around feeling sorry for myself. Or resenting people for past wrongs that I have sometimes given back ten-fold. For being unable to move on.

And so this is a promise to myself, and the people around me, that I will forgive. I will forgive with all my heart. And not let resentment get in the way of love.

Because for my 22 years on this planet, I have held a lot of resentment. I feel uncomfortable, exposing all of my bad traits on this blog, but I guess these words have become an extension of myself. And you can't change if you don't acknowledge everything. The good and the bad.

So I am going to start forgiving. Even the little things. The little things by the people I never really knew but have still let weigh me down all the same. The things I have held on to for much too long.

To the girl in 4th grade who bullied me unmercifully: I forgive you
To the boy in 6th grade who pretended he liked me to make others laugh: I forgive you
To all the kids who made fun of my buck-teeth: I forgive you
To the boy who I never knew who told me I was ugly: I forgive you
To the boy at uni who told everyone I had slept with him: I forgive you
To the girl who sent me nasty emails when I was 18: I forgive you
To all of the customers that swore at & insulted myself and the rest of the staff: I forgive you.

I forgive all of you. For everything. Whole-heartedly. And I will continue to go on forgiving. And moving on. And not holding in resentment that doesn't help anyone, least of all myself.

So lastly-
To my friends and family: I forgive you. For everything. And I'm sorry for the times I held onto things for far too long. I really am. Thank you for forgiving me. Every time. And for being the kind of people I hope to one day become.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Two very good reasons why I should not be allowed to own things

A little Wednesday pick-me-up

You know those days. Those days, where as soon as you wake up everything that can go wrong does. You just know that the rest of the day is going to be awful too. And you know that if you were smart you would call in sick to work and just crawl back into bed for the entire day.

Well, I have found my instant pick-me-up for the days when I am just not sensible enough to stay at home and sulk:

Accidentally Kelly Street- Frente
here's a door and
here's a window
here's the ceiling
here's the floor
the room is lit like
a black and white movie
the t.v.'s on, that's what it's for
and if you walk real slowly
you can feel the planet breathe
there's no need to feel so lowly
now that we've all learned to give

accidently kelly street
where friends and strangers
sometimes meet
accidently kelly street
i never thought life
could be so sweet

in the garden birds are singing
the sun is shining on the path
the wind is talking to the flowers
the dogs and cats all take a bath
and if you stop that talking
you can hear the traffic sigh
throw away those keys
start walking, watch those
tiny things go by

accidently kelly street
where friends and strangers
sometimes meet
accidently kelly street
i never thought life
could be so sweet

it's sunday everyday
and there's no need to rush around
inside of everybody there's sun
and laughter to be found
it seems that we're on holidays
and sleeping in is not a sin
all the housework's done by teatime
i'm feeling good about
the way i've been

perhaps this optimism
will crash on down
like a house of cards
i know that my decision
to change my life was not that hard

accidently kelly street
where friends and strangers
sometimes meet
accidently kelly street
i never thought life
could be so sweet

accidently kelly street
where friends and strangers
sometimes meet
accidently kelly street
i never thought life
could be so sweet

accidently kelly street
i never thought life
could be so sweet!

This song has been voted THE worst Australian song of all time..many many times. Joel calls it my 'sesame street' song. And yet I can't help but smile whenever I hear it.

It is the most sickly sweet, over-the-top, catchy, 'shoves happiness down your throat' song I have ever heard. How could that ever be a bad thing?

What is your instant pick-me-up when you're having a bad day?

Note: just don't ever watch the original video clip. Even I can't stomach that.

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

It's the little things

This is going to sound rather silly, but the one thing I have never been able to do is stop chewing my nails. And believe me, I have tried. Many times. And failed miserably every time.

These attempts have been happening over a span of 14 years. That is a whole lot of failure.

I have managed, over the course of the last year, to face many of my fears and get rid of many self-destructive habits. But the one thing I could not do was stop chewing my nails. That simple little thing was completely out of my reach.

Two weeks ago, one normal afternoon as I went to get a cup of coffee, I decided to stop chewing my nails once and for all. Nothing special had happened. I wasn't feeling particularly motivated. But I was tired of never doing anything to change my life. Of sitting around waiting for other people to solve my problems.

So I marched into a chemist and bought the 'stop &grow' nail polish that makes everything taste like poison.

And I stopped chewing my nails.

It wasn't even hard. Because I knew, I just knew, I was going to succeed. Because I finally felt strong enough to.

Out of everything I have done in life, I think that this would have to be my proudest achievement.

Because if I can stop chewing my nails, then I can do anything.

So I have taken a year off school. And I am going to save. And I am going to travel. And do everything I have always been afraid to do before.

Because I know now that if I just believe I can, I will succeed.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

2011- a new beginning.

As I was driving the other day I realised something. I spend so much time when I drive looking in the rear-view mirror. Looking back. Watching the cars behind me. Watching the people behind me. Worrying. If I'm going too slow. Or too fast. If I'm bothering anyone. Wishing I was on the road by myself. So I didn't have to worry anymore. Never focusing on the destination. Never enjoying the journey.

But it's 2011 now and the possibilities seem endless.

Maybe it's about time I stopped looking back.