Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Forgiveness

After reading everyone's goals for the coming year, I decided that maybe I should make a goal for myself. One that I should have made a long time ago.

That goal is to forgive.

Not to forgive any person nor any in event in particular. But to incorporate this word into a way of life.

I for one, find people who just cannot let things go very frustrating. In fact I really hate to see that trait in people.

But I guess what we dislike the most in other people is what really bothers us about ourselves. At least I'm that way.

The more you care about someone, the more you hurt when they mess up. And it can be really hard to move on. Saying the words 'I forgive you' is easy. Almost too easy. Sometimes it's difficult to say what you really mean. But it's always easy to say what you don't. And there comes a point when you have to say those words. Even if you don't mean them. Because it has been too long. And you can't stand people who can't forgive. And so you pretend you have.

But then, when something goes wrong, maybe something doesn't even have to go wrong, maybe you're just tired of holding it all in, you bring it up again. But talking doesn't make it better. Neither does dwelling. It just makes it so much worse.

And all involved end up feeling horrible. And nothing is resolved.

I am not saying that anyone has done anything awful to me. I have been very lucky in that I have always been surrounded by wonderful kind-hearted people. People who have always made me feel special and loved.

But it's inevitable that when you spend so much time and so many years with someone, whether they be family, friends or lovers; that you will end up hurting each other at some point.

I know I have hurt the people I love. Many times. And they forgive me. So easily.

I don't want to walk around feeling sorry for myself. Or resenting people for past wrongs that I have sometimes given back ten-fold. For being unable to move on.

And so this is a promise to myself, and the people around me, that I will forgive. I will forgive with all my heart. And not let resentment get in the way of love.

Because for my 22 years on this planet, I have held a lot of resentment. I feel uncomfortable, exposing all of my bad traits on this blog, but I guess these words have become an extension of myself. And you can't change if you don't acknowledge everything. The good and the bad.

So I am going to start forgiving. Even the little things. The little things by the people I never really knew but have still let weigh me down all the same. The things I have held on to for much too long.

To the girl in 4th grade who bullied me unmercifully: I forgive you
To the boy in 6th grade who pretended he liked me to make others laugh: I forgive you
To all the kids who made fun of my buck-teeth: I forgive you
To the boy who I never knew who told me I was ugly: I forgive you
To the boy at uni who told everyone I had slept with him: I forgive you
To the girl who sent me nasty emails when I was 18: I forgive you
To all of the customers that swore at & insulted myself and the rest of the staff: I forgive you.

I forgive all of you. For everything. Whole-heartedly. And I will continue to go on forgiving. And moving on. And not holding in resentment that doesn't help anyone, least of all myself.

So lastly-
To my friends and family: I forgive you. For everything. And I'm sorry for the times I held onto things for far too long. I really am. Thank you for forgiving me. Every time. And for being the kind of people I hope to one day become.

24 comments:

a work in progress said...

*stands and applauds*

that was a pretty brave post, with lessons for everyone, no matter how *evolved* we may think we are.

thank you for sharing this, and for making me take a long hard look in my own mirror.

((hugs))

IfiHadaHammer said...

Wonderful post! Thank you!

Brandi said...

I just want to hug you. I don't think many people realize how important forgiveness is. This year, I'm working on loving myself, and part of that is forgiving myself and forgiving others around me. There's a lot of anger and hurt I'm holding inside of me right now and I'm working on forgiving and really meaning it, really being able to let go and find peace.
You're incredible, Kaylia.

Anait said...

Forgiveness, I feel, is an action that is often left behind....and its so, so hard to TRULY forgive. Forgiving means letting go of a grudge...forever! And that is not easy! kudos to you for tackling this not just for a specific instance, but as a way of life!

Pia said...

Wow, that was beautiful!
You are so right! I often find myself saying that I forgave someone, but really? I didn't. I need to work on that, but it's so hard.

Krystal said...

Aw, it's like I needed to read this. I'm happy for you :)

oomph. said...

nice message...takes a big person to forgive.

rockoomph.blogspot.com

Mimi said...

this is such a beautiful post! forgiving is something i have to work on too. thanks for this inspiration!

<3, Mimi
http://whatmimiwrites.blogspot.com/

♥ haze ♥ said...

forgiving is a gift from God :)♥
this is beautiful :)

please also visit my blog, it would mean so much to me. thanks!
http://lifeendslovedoesnt.blogspot.com

Megan said...

Forgiveness is such a wonderful goal for the year. I think I am good at forgiveness it is the forgetting I find hard. Um so excited you are from Canberra!

gracey said...

Such a courageous post Kaylia! :)
Forgiving is coming to terms with a world which people, despite their best intentions, are unfair and tend to hurt each other. And you did came to terms! Sometimes, admitting our faults and forgiving other's entails our own acceptance that mistakes are part of growing up and loving ourselves while extending that love to everyone. :)

Have a great day ahead ;)

Chelsea Lane said...

forgiveness is key :) lovely writing, my resolution is to turn every bad day into a positive day!

xoxo

Indie.Tea said...

What a poignant post. Particularly the last part, I think the hardest part is forgiving the people that love you/you love.
Which has gotten me thinking...

vintch said...

what an awesome idea, and such a heartfelt post. forgiveness is one of the hardest things to give, but something we earnestly seek from others...it's such a hard cycle. i applaud you, friend!

Bonnie said...

I forgive. I don't forget. That's the curse of having a detailed, organized, accurate, strong memory.

http://glamkittenslitterbox.blogspot.com/

Sonja said...

So so so important!
Good for you , seriously!
I feel like often we tell ourselves that we've forgiven , but deep down you know you haven't. so it;s great that you're truly doing this so wholeheartedly!
Awesome inspiration! :o)

Lady Sophia's Lover said...

You arise beauteous in the horizon of the heavens
Oh living Aten who creates life.
When you shine forth in the Eastern horizon you fill every land with your beauty.
You are so beautiful: you are great; gleaming and high over every land.
Your rays embrace the lands and all you have created;
You are Re and reach out to all your creations, and hold them for your beloved Son.
You are afar, but your rays touch the earth;
Men see you, but know not your ways.

...thanks...sweet sugar...you are lovely...

Kelly said...

Good for you! Forgiveness is so important. Kudos!

Alysia Pollock said...

what a great message. :)
http://www.modishmoxie.com/

Madeline said...

very inspiring, good luck xx

KcomeKarolina said...

wonderful post!

xoxo from rome
K.
http://kcomekarolina.blogspot.com/

the runaway romantique said...

This is such a wonderful and inspirational post :) I'm so glad you're strong enough to have so much forgiveness and it's made me want to do this as well!

I too get caught up in resentment, for myself and others and I know it's so bad for me and those around me. Good luck to both of us in forgiving others, and also ourselves!

much hugs,

- the runaway

becky said...

This is beautiful. It is also something I need to work on.

Red Boots said...

this is a wonderful, beautiful, inspiring post. Forgiveness is so so difficult to, but when you do forgive someone you feel so much lighter. x