Friday, April 29, 2011

Growing up...just a little ;)

Hello all! I hope you all had a wonderful Easter break, filled with family, good food and Easter egg hunts.

I have refrained from posting this last week, mainly because my posts would have gone something like this:

Grrrmumblegrrkjvdfkvnd %&*$ fghfdsd &^%$ WHY WORLD, WHY?!

No, nothing terrible happened. At the worst, it was a mildly irritating week. But I did decide, for whatever reason, to throw myself the largest one-woman pity party the world has ever seen. Family, chocolate, friends, chocolate, chocolate... nope none of that was going to cheer me up. I was determined to wallow in my own self-pity, everyone else be damned.

I try not to do this, I really do. But every year, for a week or two, I fail. I crawl into bed and refuse to get out. I bitch, moan, complain and throw myself around the house like a wounded animal. But this time was a doozy.

Saturday two weeks ago I got the flu. Oh and what a flu it was. Raging fevers, runny nose, sore throat, you name it I had it. And rather than heading straight to bed like someone intelligent, I decided to power through the week like nobodies business. Work? Yeah, sure I can do it! Just give me 10 blankets, a handful of panadol and a desk to nap on (seriously) and I’ll be fine. How could that be anything but a good idea?!

Presentation at school? Why not! Just because I can barely talk doesn’t mean my speech won’t be awesome!

*side note: I got picked on during my speech. By uni students. Adults. Can you believe it? Who does that? The last time I got picked on was four years ago by some nine year olds at a water park! (Yes that did happen and yes I did cry). Act your age...stupid heads...

Anyway, so that got the pity party going. And then for some reason I felt an unknown urge to feel attractive. Scratch that. I wanted to feel downright sexy.

And why? I have never wanted to feel like that before. Because I am just not. I can’t pull it off. Eighteen years of scrubbing toothpaste off my clothes every morning has taught me that. But for some reason, in my feverish state, I decided that sexy and desirable I was going to be. I donned my shortest skirts and a face full of makeup.

Did it work? No. Not even a little. Despite the fact that , it’s also completely impossible when your nose is dripping and red, you have the voice of an 80 year old man, you are coughing up your lungs every second AND..wait for it (and put down whatever you’re eating) your eyes are dripping mucus. Seriously. Gross right? I mean, what the hell body. What kind of stupid defense is that?! I CAN’T EVEN SEE HOW BAD I LOOK..oh wait..that must be what it was for.

Anyway, once the pity train left the station it was hard to turn it around. Add a best friend leaving me for year to live in the States, a mix-up with an assignment that meant it was 6 days late, another assignment mix-up, an argument with a friend, and you have a crying, whinging, unbearable me.

It wasn’t until Monday, when I had finally pulled myself out of bed after a four day hiatus from the world to lick my wounds, that I realised how painfully awful I was being. Everything that had happened was either inevitable, or me being completely unrealistic/stupid.

And so, as I was driving and admiring the glorious sunshine, the birds singing, and the smell of freshly brewed coffee floating through the air, I gave myself some very good advice.

No, it wasn’t, ‘everything happens for reason’, ‘make the most of what you have’or ‘live life to the fullest’. Because while they’re great and all, I give myself little positivity boosts ALL THE TIME and sometimes what a day-dreamy, whiny, wrapped up in minor first-world problems girl like me needs to hear is this:

Harden. The Fuck. Up.

It’s not polite. It’s not positive. It’s not made up of all of the happy little things I love about life. But boy was it needed.

I could continue on the same path, with the same positive chants to pull me out of tough times. Waiting for everyone else to make things better for me. Blaming the world for my problems.

Or I could look around and realise that I HAVE NO REAL PROBLEMS.

And when things do go wrong, I can fix what I can (me, no one else), then stop whining about what I can’t. Maybe put things into perspective. Take some responsibility. Build some resilience.

And stop being SUCH a drama queen.

Because there comes a point when we need to grow up, as unwelcome as it first appears. Not for anyone else, simply for our own happiness.


SJ said...

oh your poor thing! and i cannot believe you were picked on while you did a speech at uni. wtf?! not cool at all.

sounds like you're feeling much better about the world though and now it's friday which is always something to be happy about! have a great weekend!

Autumn said...

One of those weeks? Oh, it has been one of those semesters. I totally understand.

becky said...

I have not heard truer things about growing up---but you are absolutely entitled to a little bit of grumpy now and then. It sounds like a tough week---and no, maybe in the dimensions of the world: you aren't full of problems, but by your standards, the standards that make YOU feel, you had a really, really tough week. Don't berate yourself about acting the way you did---you're human and that's one of the most amazing things! Coming through it, though, is more amazing---especially with a fresh outlook.

I sure hope you're feeling better---that the flu has eventually cleared after a rest. Please don't get too stressed about uni (and seriously, WHAT kind of person picks on someone during a presentation?!)---because whatever happens, you'll find away to get through the work (as impossible as it so often seems). You're a beautiful, beautiful lady. xx

P.S---I'll reply to your e-mail soon!

a work in progress said...

hey! you stole MY week!!!


sometimes life just sucks donkey balls, eh?

but it always gets better. sometime. :)

lucy and sarah said...

I'll have to remember that line. I hope things get better. Loved your narrative.

ellie said...

Totally admire you. Some weeks can be pretty bad. Stay strong.

Googlover/keishua said...

I might still your advice!! Seriously, those weeks are the pits because pity parties can spiral to dungeon dwelling rather quick for me. One of my friends believes you should give yourself one day a week to feel bad, if you need it. I think we all go through these hard times and people can be so insensitive. Glad to see that you got your mojo back!

~BB~ said...

great post! It was enlightening and true in so many ways...I enjoyed it!

Bonnie said...

So ... Your week sounds like it sucked serious balls.
How unfortunate.
I'm glad that you have thrusted yourself out of your pity-fest, though.

P.S. I don't understand how grown adults can pick on other grown adults like they are still in high school. It's so friggin' stupid. GROW UP.
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

iris said...

Dude. People never grow up. Including uni students. Picking on others to feel like we belong will always be a part of our nature. Well, some people's nature.

AquĆ­ said...

we have all been there. Sometimes my mood is so foul that its almost as if I dont want to cheer up because im just that mad! Man its rough being a girl, emotions run us i think. glad you're feeling better!

christine donee said...

I tell myself that ALL the time.

I can be too nice. I get hurt by others easily. I cry about it.


I have to harden up

.. oh, and "don't let the bastards get ya down"

Brandi {not your average ordinary} said...

We all have days and week like this. Trust me. Don't beat yourself up for it, just resolve to move on. Last Friday I ended up crying in a grad class and nearly had a breakdown. It happens and while I'm still a bit embarrassed, I'm just pressing on. Do something that makes you feel good this weekend and remember how awesome and beautiful you are -- because you really are.

The Book Florist said...

I love the way you tell the story. Did you know that you would be an absolutely talented and wonderful author? You should totally make your blogs into a book. And by the way, I think that you are very pretty. (I've only seen your profile picture, but I thought it was a very pretty picture at that.) Please take care. Love from the Book Florist.

Toni said...

I think we all need days like this every once in a while :) And I like the advice you gave yourself ...Something I could use every once in a while :)

wilybrunette said...

i like you more and more. that sentiment, those words, just what i needed to hear right now. i should be hardening myself up in this next week. time to grow up, move on.

but on avg, one week per year of self-pity, doesn't seem so bad to me!

Cassidy said...

I'm sorry you had to experience all that! Being sick is no fun. It dampers the mood for everything.

kimbirdy said...

oh i hear you friend! i often get into slumps where i allow myself to wallow/fall deep into despair for a while. i get good and dirty with the pity party, then i get firm - "listen up kim, it's time to put on your big girl panties and pull your shit together!" some people need an inner cheerleader to pump them up, but me? i need a little bit of self-degredation mixed with drill sargeant screaming. i hope this week is so much better for you!

Jessica said...

What a fabulous post! I go through these zones too - and sometimes the only thing you can say to yourself, is exactly what you did! :) No one is going to fix your problems but you, much as we would love to think otherwise. Brava for bulling yourself up by your bootstraps, as they say, and carrying on!