I had been feeling very Zen like lately. Which is strange for me. Very, very strange. It’s not that I am highly-strung or anything. But I am jittery. Fidgety. I cannot stand sitting still. I bounce from one emotion to the next. I worry about all of the things I have to do that I did not make time for.
But somehow over the last few months something shifted. I began to feel more...peaceful. Instead of bouncing from over the moon ecstatic to painfully ordinary feeling in a heartbeat, I am stable. I am happy. It doesn’t take one silly little thing to throw me into the depths of despair anymore.
Or at least I was feeling that way.
Feeling particularly Zen like at the coast, I was congratulating myself on the great work/school/life balance I have going on at the moment. And I thought ‘hey, this is the perfect time to start working on other aspects of my life.’ So I decided to focus on getting enough sleep, getting regular exercise and eating healthily. How could that do anything but make me feel fantastic? And considering I have an intolerance to sucrose and glucose that results in debilitating migraines, that was the first thing to go. That and caffeine.
As much as I hate to admit it, getting up early in the morning to exercise does leave me feeling pretty fantastic. And sleeping a bit longer feels pretty wonderful too.
But this whole giving up sugar and caffeine thing?
Worst. Decision. Ever.
I feel awful. I am tired and shaky. My head is pounding. I can barely keep my eyes open past three.
And I am angry.
God I am angry. I found myself yesterday wishing it was socially acceptable to hit people over the head for talking to me. Boy do I wish it was. I am the opposite of Zen. I am a raging, teeth grinding, Godzilla woman on a rampage.
I am giving it a week. One week without sugar and caffeine. If my head hasn’t exploded or I haven’t killed someone by then I deserve a medal.