The Many Colours of Happiness

I used to hate winter. Every time the season changed my mood would change with it. I never felt like myself until the cherry blossoms came out and the weather warmed, warming my heart along with it. At the end of last winter I decided I needed to make a change, learn to love all of life, not just the parts that were easy for me. And so this winter I changed my whole outlook on the season. I started venturing out as often as possible, going to cafes or pubs with friends and sitting by fireplaces. I started to take walks and enjoy the feeling of the crisp winter air in the mornings. I watched the season change, and learned to appreciate all of the little things I had never noticed before. The trees becoming bare, and looking so romantic against the sunset. The frost transforming the world, every leaf and blade of grass covered in tiny diamonds. Now, though it's not my favourite season, I have learned to love winter. I love the big cozy jackets and jumpers, the tights and boots, the s...

Lately there has been so much talk about self-esteem. Learning to love yourself. Learning to like yourself. YOU are perfect. And this talk can be good. It can help people who have difficulty accepting themselves. People who hate themselves. And I do agree with it... to some extent. But this talk completely misses another important aspect of life: self improvement. Yes, people should love themselves. Everyone deserves love, you no less than anyone else. But not everyone deserves unconditional like. And that’s the problem. You can like yourself as a whole, that’s healthy. It’s just as important to like yourself as a whole as to love yourself. But you don’t need to like everything about yourself. If you like everything about yourself, then how will you ever grow as a person? How will you ever change? How will you improve your life? How will you improve other’s lives? I am not saying don’t like your imperfections, imperfections can be much more beautiful then perfection. But what about t...

I have worn makeup for a long time. A LONG TIME. It was the easiest thing to hide behind without..well without actually hiding. Whenever I stayed at a friend's house I would make sure I woke up earlier than them, just so I could brush my hair and put on a full face of makeup and pretend I woke up like that. I could not bare for anyone to see me for how I actually was. The first time I stayed over at Joel's house I made sure I woke up early so I could hide my face. I woke up and thought about reaching for my bag. Then I changed my mind. I fell asleep again. And when we woke up together I let him see me for me. And he told me I was beautiful.

I know, I know, 2 posts in one day. But I just had to share all of the many many beautiful reasons why I love the movie Rocket Science: 'That years national debate topic was farming subsidies. And if you don't know how farming subsidies could inspire all this commotion, then you don't know life. And there's nothing that can be said about it. Suitcases end marriages, and farming subsides cause cataclysms.'   'Can a voice travel from one person to another, like yawning and mono. sure it can. The will to speak traveled that night across the dark new jersey highways, until it arrived on this very block. where it would take up residence, or try to, in someone new.'   'Do you want to hear your problem? You have no agenda. Strictly head in the ground material. Look at me. Look at me. I wake up every morning and what do I do? I create an agenda for the day, which is a sub-agenda for the month. Which is in itself a pie-slice of my agenda for life.'   ...

I was going to post all about the beautiful wedding I went to yesterday. I went on here with every intention to do so. It was amazingly gorgeous, colourful and happy. But I sure don't feel gorgeous, colourful and happy today, what with this nasty cold I got late yesterday, and so I will save that post for when I am feeling a bit more...human. Instead I will eat avocado on toast, drink tea, and bid you adieu.  ps. I am watching Rocket Science and I strongly suggest you do too. It is about a boy who learns to accept himself for who he is, imperfections at all. It is very cute. It makes me feel like I'm ok too. Everyone I show this movie to thinks that it is depressing. They think it's sad that the boy will always be imperfect. But isn't that what makes life beautiful? That years national debate topic was farming subsidies. And if you don't know how farming subsidies could inspire all this commotion, then you don't know life. And there's nothing that can be s...

Since Christmas last year I have made a concerted to make the most of life. Take chances, do things that I would normally be afraid of (like flying a plane!), say yes to socializing when all I want to do is crawl into bed. This had led to some amazing memories (and some not so amazing awkward ones!). But on the whole saying yes to life has been worth it. However, what with this whole 'seizing the moment' attitude I have been trying on I have started to feel really guilty when I'm not doing something. I have been filling up my days off with lunches, nights out, and using the spare moments in the those days, and my night off, to practice dance and piano. On Wednesday night I came home after work completely exhausted. I was dreading practicing piano and dance. I was starting to hate the idea of it. So I stopped and looked around at myself, my life. And I realised: I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO PROVE. Not to myself, not to anybody. There was nothing wrong with having a lazy day....

Today was a good day. The sun was shining as only the sun knows how, The world smelt, felt and looked amazing, And I made my connecting bus. That's right.