Wednesday, July 13, 2011

An Ode to Darkness

It is only you, darkness, who have seen everything that I am. The pieces of me, hidden away, that no else but you and I know. The tears that have silently fallen. The heart that has broken so many times. The nights spent tossing and turning. Wondering why I am just not good enough.

The disappointments and the forgotten dreams that I have carelessly thrown under the bed; only to take out when I am feeling especially self-destructive. You see all of that too.

You have seen the fights that have lasted until sun-rise, when light has broken through resentment and anger, and the world seems new again.

Damn you. Damn you for making the truth so much easier to say. I throw the words out, and then wrap you like a blanket around me. Knowing that everything will be different from that moment on.

You were there the first time I said I love you. To both of them. Though neither time I meant it. That came later. You saw that too.

You have been there for stolen kisses and whispered promises. For nights spent dancing under the stars, anonymous and free. For wonderful mistakes. For love. For laughter.

You were there the night after I made my vows. When we lay together wrapped in our dreams, so sure that everything would be perfect from that moment on.

It wasn’t. You would have known that at the time. You would have laughed at our childish Hollywood notions. But you would also have known that I wouldn’t have preferred it any other way.

You see my smile, as I fall asleep at night. Knowing that there is still so much that you have yet to see.

21 comments:

kimbirdy said...

that's really beautiful. so many people see darkness as this bad thing, but it's gorgeous, really, and complex, just like everything else, just like each of us.

Gentri said...

Wow. Did you write that?? It's beautiful!

SJ said...

lovely :)

Autumn said...

Love it.

nancy said...

wow! incredibly powerful words. its amazing that the same blanket of darkness that can make us feel so safe and protected can at other times feel isolating and opressive... just some more thoughts to ponder!

demie said...

you have to see the dark- or the dark must see you- if you`ll have a chance to meet the light or for the light to come and find you. people who write that good, live inside both...

The Book Florist said...

The way that you wove those observation, those thoughts and feelings, was so silken and poetic. For want of a less used word, it was very very deeply beautiful, and very stirring. It was like a big wooden spoon in a mixing bowl, dashing my idle notions after a very boring day aside. You are a very beautiful writer, and I commend you for being able to write and post something that is personal. Of course, there is nothing wrong with being personal.

Hazel said...

That was incredibly beautiful :)

becky said...

This is probably one of my favourite posts of yours. So rich and honest and beautiful. Darkness is often that, as you say.

Toni said...

I love this. So eloquent. I completely understand. I especially love the part about the blurting out of the truth then wrapping the darkness around you like a blanket. Beautiful words!

lucy and sarah said...

I think the strength gathered in every sentence. You can do what ever you set your mind too. I just know it.

ellie's desk said...

Great post! Very real and so passionate.

Jessica said...

This is beautiful. And I so share the sentiment. Thank you for posting this!

Tuesdai Noelle said...

Idepth expressions...

Katie said...

Lovely and yet melancholy.

Krystal said...

this is really beautiful

kcomekarolina said...

so cute!!!


xoxo from rome
K.
http://kcomekarolina.blogspot.com/

Ashley said...

cute :)

And you know what...the truth DOES come out at night! Why is that? :)

Bonnie said...

You are such a fantastic writer.
The darkness scares me.
I'll be honest.

http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

Eleanor at Mirror Of My World said...

this is such a beautiful, beautiful post. truly amazing. i totally get you. the darkness is the hardest time because all your thoughts are shown in utmost clarity... and all your insecurities come out. but remember to find the light xxx

keishua said...

darkness is necessary for light. It is not one of my favorite things but it can be nurturing in its own way.