I had a completely different post all nice, edited and ready for you; but I’ll just have to save that for a rainy day. So you get an unedited and messy post today instead. But hey, sometimes they’re the best kinds. Though probably not in this case.
Today I want to talk about victim-mentality. I know I have it. Most of us do, to some extent.
We’re all so eager to be complaining about something. If we have nothing to do then we’re bored. If we have a lot to do then we’re overloaded.
I found myself over the last week becoming more and more unhappy as I looked at all that I had to do. And I complained. Oh boy did I complain. And I had thoughts like ‘this is so unfair’ or ‘my life sucks.’ I blamed the world, rather than myself. When really, the world didn’t throw all of this at me. I took it in with open arms.
So many of us want to be busy. We rush around trying to fit in as much as we possibly can. We want to do everything, and achieve everything right this very second. And when we finally start to crack under all of this pressure that we have piled onto ourselves, we never point the finger at the real villain.
As I said, last week I bitched and moaned. And began to freak out when I looked at EVERYTHING that I had to do. But one particularly stressful day, as I desperately tried to study for an assignment that I knew three weeks in advance that there was NO WAY IN HELL I was going to be able to get done, I realised something: I don’t have to do it. No one is holding a gun to my head. And two minutes later I had un-enrolled from the class.
Yes, sometimes if we can’t get everything that we want done we feel like a failure. But isn’t it better than the alternative? To rush through something, worn out and unhappy, simple to get to the end and realise that we didn’t enjoy a second of it? I would rather slowly work at achieving my dreams and revel in them when I got there, rather than rushing into them and burning out within a year.
If something in your life is making you tired, overwhelmed, or just plain unhappy; then change it. Even if it’s scary to start from scratch all over again. And if you don’t change it, accept that it’s your decision. It’s so much easier to get through something if you know that you’re choosing to be there. That you have weighed up the pros and cons and that whatever you’re doing is worth continuing on with.
I know that there are exceptions, there are always exceptions; and keep in mind that I am writing from the point of view of a middle-class girl who always has back-up support, whether financially or emotionally should I need it. So I’m not really an expert on hardship. But I AM an expert on complaining. On playing the victim card. On biting off more than I can chew.
And I have come to realise that almost everything in life is within our control. And the stress and unhappiness that we sometimes feel is often the direct result of our own actions. So here’s to changing that victim mentality to an ‘I am the god of my own destiny mwahahaha’ mentality; and changing what needs to be changed, while holding on as hard as we can to what is really important.
Comments
after being treated like crap by a 'friend' while overseas, i realised that i can only control my own choices and reactions to things and that there was no point moaning about it, i should just invest time in people who are good to me.
on a more positive note: realising that you are in control of your life is such a simple, difficult and freeing realision to come to. to paraphrase Eleanor Roosevelt; you cannot be unhappy without your consent.
or something along those lines ;)
There's a quote that says, "We have a choice: to plow new grounds or let the weeds grow." And when I think I should start to "self-complain," that quote haunts me like the Ghost of Christmas Present hollowing LOUD with, "Youuuuuuuuu neeeddddd TO stooooop tripppppin'...like now." And well whether it's sad by a Ghost or just read through my eyes...I do be needing to stop. So I do. I regroup, release, and recreate! Sometimes we need to pick up our bodily remote and give ourselves a "daily rewind"
i also came here to say thank you for your very sweet post this morning which put a big smile on my face. its nice to know people like and appreciate my blog posts. i love your blog too and am pleased we met in the blogosphere!!! xxxx ps isnt blogosphere such a strange word :P
There are just some things easier for me to do than others. Something you might have been trained in computers..doesn't mean its gonna carry over in customer service...or even in those little things like repairing books, dvds or cds.
So best to attack it in small quantities. And get ready for co-workers to tell you what you're doing wrong. & no way will they fix it.
Maybe that's why I let someone persuade me at home, so easily.
I liked this line: If something in your life is making you tired, overwhelmed, or just plain unhappy; then change it.
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You gotta know when to fight, and you gotta know when to give up! There's no shame in giving up if it's the right answer :)
Not quite the same thing, but somewhat related to the victim mentality is "impostor syndrome." It's very common among females in computer sciences, but you may find it interesting.