The Many Colours of Happiness

Firstly, thank you for all for your wonderful comments. You guys are seriously the most inspiring group of people I know. In fact, I made everyone I know read your comments to show them how insightful and amazing you are, and they agreed! And secondly, sorry about my absence. Someone very close to me just went through their first break up (and boy oh boy was it a nasty one. I don’t want to share personal details, but trust me, it was horrible), and so I have moved in with them for a couple of weeks. Seeing her go through this was been just awful, but seeing her recover? Now THAT is amazing. This girl has been so amazing and strong about the whole thing; and considering I am the type of person to melt down when Joel gets the wrong type of milk or when I run out of shampoo, she has been teaching me so much. But what she ended up really teaching me surprised even myself. You see, I am not a romantic. Not in the slightest. Neither is Joel. While we love each other (obviously; I’m not in ...

For those on here that don't know: I used to have an eating disorder. One that consumed me from the ages fourteen until eighteen. Anorexia Nervosa, to be specific. But I spent so long having to talk about it in the out-patient program, then to my friends and family afterwards, that I soon tired of mentioning it, and from there it didn’t take long until I tired of thinking about it as well. But I saw a program on television a little while ago that brought it all to the forefront of my mind again. The program was like all others, trying to decipher exactly why people stop eating. The media is almost always blamed. The size of models, the obsession with looks, and the unhealthy eating habits that is often encouraged with articles like ‘I lost 6 kilos in 3 days!’ And I agree that this sort of attitude that is currently pervasive in society is detrimental. And I believe that it can contribute to people abusing food and their bodies. But it is not the cause of eating disorders. I certa...

Thank you everyone for your lovely comments on my last post! I am all better now thanks to lots of sunshine, good food and wonderful friends (including you guys!). Because I am much too hyped up after a fantastic weekend and the excitement that warm weather and dress-wearing brings, I thought I’d write a little 'gratitude/what has been going on in my life these last few months’ list, rather than anything that requires too much concentration! Things I am grateful for: -warm weather! (in case I have talked about that enough...) -tea dates with lovely people -housewarmings and dress-up parties -Europe in exactly three months from today!!!! -Becoming a permanent staff writer for lip -having a short story accepted into the annual anthology FourW (out in November, so excited!) -my Masters course at my amazing new university -family BBQs and that fact that they are becoming a weekly tradition -my dog recovering from his leg surgery much faster than expected. He is now back to his happ...

 Well this weekend, instead of doing something crazy, I got sick instead. While it put any and all things spontaneous out of the equation, it was actually really lovely to spend a whole three days recuperating, without having to do or accomplish anything.  I feel calmer now than I have in a long time. I think I needed to get sick; my body and brain were both worn thin, tired to trying to do too much, trying to meet the non-existent deadlines that I place on everything that I do.  Sometimes I forget to breathe. I forget that I need that space to just…be. To feel free, to break away from the bars I have shut myself behind and run barefoot in the sunshine.  This weekend I gave myself time, that precious gift that we hand out like misers to ourselves. A little bit here, a little bit there, but not enough to buy anything substantial. Just enough to stop us from starving, from fading away completely.  But this weekend I slept in for twelve hours each day, mak...

I feel like I am going crazy. My brain is spinning, my limbs are aching, and my fingers are itching. I want to do something crazy . I want to shake things up. Shake all of the monotony that I have allowed to creep into my life onto the floor, so that I am left bright, shiny and new. I want to skydive, get another tattoo, run a marathon, book a trip SOMEWHERE and just go right. now. I want to ignore everything that I am supposed to be doing, all of the sensible life stuff, and just do anything and everything that occurs to me on the spur of the moment. Spring has begun, and I feel like I am still stuck in the winter rut. I am tired of sitting indoors, waiting for adventure to happen. I need to go out there and find it. I need to get away from these ordered little suburbs, and lose myself in a big, messy city. I need to meet new people, make impulse decisions, and drink too much even though I have work the next morning. I need to go on long night drives, spend days at the beach, a...

I did not begin writing for the reasons that most people do. Often people write because it is a part of who they are, because it is as natural to them as breathing. I on the other hand, only wrote sporadically at best up until a year ago. You see, I have always had a fascination with the spoken word. I love learning all of the different ways to describe a situation, the different shades we can paint it simply by changing a few letters. I constantly narrate my life in my head, I love using words as a way to turn a stranger into a friend over the space of a few hours, and I could not adore debating and arguing any more that I do. But about a year ago, I began to stutter when I was nervous. I didn’t tell my friends or family, I was horribly embarrassed. But I began to find it difficult to talk. My words came out quickly and un-cooked; poor reflections of what I was trying to say. One thing that has always bothered me about words, despite my love for them, is that I have never been abl...