I did not begin writing for the reasons that most people do. Often people write because it is a part of who they are, because it is as natural to them as breathing. I on the other hand, only wrote sporadically at best up until a year ago.
You see, I have always had a fascination with the spoken word. I love learning all of the different ways to describe a situation, the different shades we can paint it simply by changing a few letters. I constantly narrate my life in my head, I love using words as a way to turn a stranger into a friend over the space of a few hours, and I could not adore debating and arguing any more that I do.
But about a year ago, I began to stutter when I was nervous. I didn’t tell my friends or family, I was horribly embarrassed. But I began to find it difficult to talk. My words came out quickly and un-cooked; poor reflections of what I was trying to say. One thing that has always bothered me about words, despite my love for them, is that I have never been able to use them effectively. What I am trying to say gets lost amid the incoherent sentences and rushed words, and I am left feeling isolated and alone.
As I said, this had always frustrated me, but with the development of the small stutter that only reached stranger's ears (though I knew it wouldn’t be long until it was introduced to the world), I found myself hating spoken language and its restrictions. The way that it tangled up all of the thoughts that were so clear in my head a moment earlier.
So I began to write. First it was this blog, and a small diary on the side. A diary in which to down the tangled thoughts and try to make sense of them again. Soon it developed into articles, little opinionated essays that harnessed both my love of words and my love of debating. It has finally led into short stories, and now a small novel, albeit not a good one.
And I have found that with each sentence I write, talking becomes easier. The small stutter is gone, and so are my jumbled, rushed sentences. Before I open my mouth, just as before I write, I pause. I untangle the mess before I speak.
And finally I am getting the opportunity to say what I really mean.