Friday, September 2, 2011

Why I Write



I did not begin writing for the reasons that most people do. Often people write because it is a part of who they are, because it is as natural to them as breathing. I on the other hand, only wrote sporadically at best up until a year ago.

You see, I have always had a fascination with the spoken word. I love learning all of the different ways to describe a situation, the different shades we can paint it simply by changing a few letters. I constantly narrate my life in my head, I love using words as a way to turn a stranger into a friend over the space of a few hours, and I could not adore debating and arguing any more that I do.

But about a year ago, I began to stutter when I was nervous. I didn’t tell my friends or family, I was horribly embarrassed. But I began to find it difficult to talk. My words came out quickly and un-cooked; poor reflections of what I was trying to say. One thing that has always bothered me about words, despite my love for them, is that I have never been able to use them effectively. What I am trying to say gets lost amid the incoherent sentences and rushed words, and I am left feeling isolated and alone. 

As I said, this had always frustrated me, but with the development of the small stutter that only reached stranger's ears (though I knew it wouldn’t be long until it was introduced to the world), I found myself hating spoken language and its restrictions. The way that it tangled up all of the thoughts that were so clear in my head a moment earlier.

So I began to write. First it was this blog, and a small diary on the side. A diary in which to down the  tangled thoughts and try to make sense of them again. Soon it developed into articles, little opinionated essays that harnessed both my love of words and my love of debating. It has finally led into short stories, and now a small novel, albeit not a good one.

And I have found that with each sentence I write, talking becomes easier. The small stutter is gone, and so are my jumbled, rushed sentences. Before I open my mouth, just as before I write, I pause. I untangle the mess before I speak.

And finally I am getting the opportunity to say what I really mean.

26 comments:

Kacey Hayes said...

Very lovely and inspiring story :)

ellie's desk said...

Oh..goodness..I had no idea. I'm glad you've made this discovery..and presented it to us.

lucy and sarah said...

You are so amazing with your essays. I have never been good at that sort of thing. No..I just hear voices..and well..somewhere in all that..a story comes. Sometimes, they aren't the happiest stories.

SJ said...

i love that you can pinpoint exactly why you started writing. And that you made a decision to find a better way to express yourself while you were struggling verbally :)

have a great weekend, hope it's getting warmer in canberra!

Hazel said...

I'm glad writing helped overcome your stutter. Any tips on how to stop getting tongue-tied when I speak? It's embarrassing as I just look stupid lol

demie said...

it must have been fate... `couse you are a good writer. go on this way dear. you are in the right path : )

Charlotte said...

Thanks for sharing your story. As someone who loves the written word as well, I think it's beautiful that it not only became a refuge for you, but helped you with your stutter. Definitely inspiring. :)

Mandy said...

I am sure your small novel will be lovely! I always love to read your blogs, they always seem so insightful. I am glad that writing has helped you, I find it soothing to write in my journal too! So much easier to find the words!

keishua said...

very inspiring. It is amazing what how the writing things can change us inside out. have a sweet day!

Ashley said...

It's cool to hear how everyone starts off writing ;)

You're not alone. There are times I've talked too fast or stuttered when nervous. Nice to hear you're using writing to overcome anxiety!

AquĆ­ said...

I have recently started feeling the same way. It started for me right before a series of very important interviews unfortunately. I felt all jumbled and lost in my own thoughts. "I know this!" I say to myself, but the words come out unrefined and a bit sticky. Maybe I need to start a diary? My writing needs work!

The Book Florist said...

I really feel for you. You must have felt so caged and horrible. It's amazing that writing can affect people so positively, and Kaylia, you are a very beautiful writer, so obviously it's working!

Tuesdai Noelle said...

Now this is one of my favorite post by you yet! I SEE myself ;-)

As with designing, writing is also a way I use to express: what I'm trying to say, feel I should say , and think what I should've said it but so glad that I did.

Cool post.

Sabrina said...

I have the same problem with talking. You gave some good advice too; just take a breath, a moment. I'll try that, see if it works.

Mimi said...

aww, this is very very inspiring! i think it is important to know how to use words in speaking and in writing. and i know you are amazing in both. :)

<3, Mimi
http://whatmimiwrites.blogspot.com/

Krystal said...

thank you for sharing this! it sounds like it's been a great journey for you.

Deidre said...

I have similar issues - and I feel like that's partly why I write as well. The other reason of course is that I feel like I can work through my emotions a bit more through writing which means that I when I do speak I don't get lost in the feelings and I can express myself a little more objectively.

amy said...

I love hearing the reasons why people write. I am one, who feels like I was born with it. For some reason, I've always needed to write. I am often surprised at how little people write. It would be so difficult for me to stray from words. It's the foundation of my belly, head, and my heart.

You write beautifully by the way (^.^)


sweetness xx
hope to hear from you*!
amyflyingakite.com

Tuesdai Noelle said...

Hey,

I gave you a "Prom Queen" blog award.

aki! said...

I think that you do write very well, and on top of that, very clearly as well.

I tagged you for a blog award. Check it out.

Popcorn, Pugs & Peonies said...

This as very interesting to read. I enjoy reading your writing.

*Erin

Eleanor at Mirror Of My World said...

wow kaylia i had no idea about this. well done though on healing yourself in this way and providing us with your beautifully written blog here (and cant wait to read your novel).
i think that blogging is a true healer, it has healed me from anxiety.. and its had such an effect on you too.
:) so inspiring!! stay strong xo

kate said...

I know the feeling you started with. I'm bookmarking this post... I'm not sure I'm ready to start writing right now, but when I am.

Cassidy said...

I realized that it's much easier for me to express myself by writing instead of speaking. I have a love of words like you and writing has definitely given me an outlet to express myself. It's just frustrating how sometimes I can't get my point across by speaking.

nancy said...

once again, a thought-provoking and inspiring post. I feel very much the same way - writing really affirms my grasp on the english language. without it, I am tongue-tied and shy.

Chris Keels said...
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