Well this weekend, instead of doing something crazy, I got sick instead. While it put any and all things spontaneous out of the equation, it was actually really lovely to spend a whole three days recuperating, without having to do or accomplish anything.
I feel calmer now than I have in a long time. I think I needed to get sick; my body and brain were both worn thin, tired to trying to do too much, trying to meet the non-existent deadlines that I place on everything that I do.
Sometimes I forget to breathe. I forget that I need that space to just…be. To feel free, to break away from the bars I have shut myself behind and run barefoot in the sunshine.
This weekend I gave myself time, that precious gift that we hand out like misers to ourselves. A little bit here, a little bit there, but not enough to buy anything substantial. Just enough to stop us from starving, from fading away completely.
But this weekend I slept in for twelve hours each day, making up for weeks of early mornings alarms after late nights. I let myself lay in bed for hours after waking, reading books and snuggling under the blankets, listening to the rain outside.
Sometimes we need to get sick, to appreciate just how important it is to take that unnecessary guilt away from our everyday lives. How vital it is to our very existence. You can’t be happy if you need to account for every second spent.
From now on, I’m going to spend my time however I see fit; sometimes yes, I’ll be a miser, but sometimes I’ll spend every second that I have without worrying about the consequences, about the things that aren’t getting accomplished.
Because that space to breathe, and the peace that comes with it?
That is priceless.