Monday, October 17, 2011

Bittersweet Melancholy

The beginning of spring, as beautiful as it is, comes with a price for me. Because as the flowers bloom and the wind brings sweet perfume dancing around my face, it also carries with it a bittersweet melancholy that settles into my skin.

It never lasts long and quickly goes back to where it came from, to hide in wait for another year; coming back a little heavier than it was the year before.

But it those few weeks I find myself dragging my feet, weighed down with lost friends and summers, memories of places that have never been as magical since. Weighed down with childhood dreams long forgotten and the person that I thought that I would be.

However this isn’t a self-pity blog. The melancholy is bittersweet for a reason. Bittersweet because while I miss them, I have been lucky enough to have these sweet memories than demand my attention for a short-period of time. And so I wallow. And pay them the attention they are craving, because they deserve that much.

And eventually I come to my senses and shake myself awake again with the reminder that there are plenty more bittersweet memories to be made.

And that I’ll have even more bittersweet memories to miss next year.

Which is a beautiful thing.

16 comments:

The Book Florist said...

Wow. That's very true. I wonder when I'm thirty or fifty or seventy years old what things I will have done or failed to do, or regret or have done just right, or still be looking forward to in the future. It's even a little bit scary.

Deidre said...

I get this way about spring in AUstralia too - but that's mostly because I get homesick. le sigh.

Tuesdai Noelle said...

I think my "bittersweet" comes around the end of the year--usually. Whereas I'm not dragging my feet--I'm also not walking any faster. But I do find myself becoming more and more curious/random thinking by the minute to see what lays in these next 60-something-days. I'm looking to be surprised as it takes a lot for me to be surprised.

kimbirdy said...

yes, you're so right. all of your feelings deserve the attention they are asking for. give honor to each part of your heart, because each part of your heart is equally valuable. for me, this bittersweet feeling comes at the beginning of fall. every year i lose someone close to me in the fall. i used to cringe at the end of summer, holding my breath to see who would be next, but now i know it's a natural part of life. things end, and things change. it's bittersweet, and it's beautiful.

demie said...

melancholy is a very misunderstood thing... we need it you know. to create. to appreciate. to write good

Bonnie said...

I try to live life with no regrets so there are no bittersweet moments. I hate bittersweet moments, I'll be honest. I like to be happy and fun and kind of insane.

http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

ellie said...

I'm afraid it can hit you when least expected. But some how, even when we get depressed we can some how come out on top..with a certain ingenuity...which I think is being a woman, perhaps. Hopefully, you can turn to creativity..and write yourself out of it, or sometimes, even cleaning can help (of course, I'll be the first to admit its not my biggest priority & I'm much better at making messes). But just see if you can make yourself a pair of pj pants from an old sheet and a newspaper pattern..you might surprise yourself. See if you can make a great meal ..right from the ingredients in your cupboard.

on a character note...

Oh, I must admit I have it bad for Australia's Sebastian Gregory for my character Jules. Better known as Chili from the Veronicas. I can only hope he goes back to acting. Doesn't he see he can be Austraila's Aaron Johnson.

lucy and sarah said...

We often find reasons to beat ourselves up, emotionally. We've had some bad winters here. Snow so bad. So cold. I've cut my hair off before because of cabin fever. It doesn't look so bad. But you have to be careful..you can make life so much worse in times like those.

molly said...

So much food for thought. I guess it helps to have holidays to make you want to feel happier, but that can be so trite, sometimes.

Its good to have friends to chat with. Drink tea with and hopefully be open enough about talking it out.

Sometimes, you can find out there are other people worse off and you might have made their day with a smile and a friendly hello.

Thanks so much for your note. See, I write when I'm depressed.

SJ said...

i guess nostalgia and melancholy sort of intertwine so that there's moments of happiness and sadness at the same time. there's nothing wrong with that, you reflect and then you move forward only to come back to it again later. it's a bittersweet cycle :)

Kacey said...

Lovely and true. I like how you acknowledge that they deserve your remembering but also that there is more to do. <3

keishua said...

I think changing seasons always feel a little off kilter no matter how much you love the season.

Pop Champagne said...

that is an interesting post! hmm, I try to do everything I want to do so I don't regret it in the future. So far I think there are no major regrets for me, oh except my belly button piercing lol

Krystal said...

I get that every fall and winter :(

Ashley said...

I'm working on not letting the melancholy take over!

devorelebeaumonstre. said...

xoxo

devorelebeaumonstre.com