Wednesday, May 18, 2011

10 Tips for Surviving in a One-Bedroom Apartment

Before I start, I just want to say that I love my apartment. Love it. But sometimes the lack of space can be...difficult to say the least. So I have comprised a list of ways that encourage you to make the most of the two rooms (No, not two bedrooms. Two rooms) that you have.

Tip 1: Get a cat. Nothing is more fun than vacuuming up cat hair constantly. And when you forget, it can be quite amusing to watch your cat walk around the house eating its own hair off of the carpet.

This will also result in its throwing up, which gives you the added bonus of having to clean it up. You will be doing this so often you won’t even notice the lack of space.

Having a cat also saves money in terms of plants, flowers, Christmas trees and any hanging decorations. Why? Because you can’t have them. The cat will eat them. Poisonous flowers? You bet. House plants? It will eat THE ENTIRE THING. Tinsel? Yum yum.

Tip 2: Get a second cat. Because the first cat will be lonely, and that’s no fun. Then the cats can amuse each other by racing around the house at 2am. Their favourite place to run will be over your head. In your sleep deprived state, you will be too tired to care about lack of space.

You will also have the pleasure of discovering that the second cat likes to hide your slippers. Looking for your slippers makes you realise how big your apartment actually is. There are so many great places to hide things!

Tip 3: Don’t buy a dryer. It’s much more fun to wear wet clothes during winter. Shivering is a great way to lose weight, right?

Tip 4: Forget that you live next door to people and put a picture up at 11pm. As you have not learned how to put hooks or nails in yet, use blu-tack. Get it to stay up by banging on it really really really hard.

Lie back and enjoy your neighbour’s retaliation at 9am on a Saturday morning, as he decides to drill into the wall. This will force you to get up early and make the most of the day. Win-win.

Tip 5: Become a drug addict (Note: this step I have not followed just yet). There are so many dealers parked in the driveway to the apartment that it just seems silly to pass up the opportunity.

Tip 6: Make sure that your balcony door locks itself when you shut it. Don’t notice this until you have gone onto the balcony in your towel, one hour before you’re due at work.

Tip 7: Buy a work out video. Make sure it’s something completely ridiculous like ‘Go-Go Dancing’. Realise that you look hilarious when you do it. Get up really early to exercise so that your partner can’t see you. Now you can call yourself a morning person and feel superior.

Tip 8: Sprain your ankle. Getting up and down six flights of stairs has never been so exciting!

Tip 9: As you don’t have a glass door for the shower, buy a shower curtain. One you can’t see through. Remember that you are deathly afraid of showers after years of horror movie viewing. Spend your shower peeking fearfully around the curtain ever few seconds in case there is a murderer. This will get the endorphins racing, making sure that you are completely awake nice and early.

Tip 10: Leave the grill on. After six hours it will start to spark dramatically. It will be like having your very own fireworks in your apartment!

Bonus Tip: Write a blog post about it :)

41 comments:

Ash said...

Oh my gosh. This is hilarious. I seriously could not stop laughing.

SJ said...

ah the joys of small apartment living! i know exactly where you're coming from (and also discovered the cat eating plant phenomenom last week what i cat sat for my sister. not impressed!)

wilybrunette said...

ha, ha! awesome. i'm familiar with a few of these from my many years of nyc living!

Hannah said...

Hahahahahaha I already love your 2 cats and psycho neighbors!! Did you end up getting to work on time when you got locked out?!

mrs. autumn said...

So funny! What about...share the washer and dryer with your landlord so they can come downstairs at any time? Haha.

my first giveaway

Diana Smith said...

haha This was really funny! Could totally relate too. I cannot wait to live in a house!! With lots of room!

Sara Louise said...

I live in a very very small two bedroom house (trust me it's tiny) and I spend the majority of my time vacuuming dog hair and finding places to store things.

Karls said...

Apartment living sometimes leaves little to the imagination! I had a strange couple that lived across the hall from us... you could tell when he'd come home drunk the night before, she'd be up at 8am playing 'You shit me to tears' full crank.

Kari said...

Magnificent. I'm sure this will work best for me as I'm allergic to cats. I can't wait to try! ;)

Tiq said...

Hahaha very creative of you !
Can't wait till I own a place of my own. Hehe

Danielle said...

hahaha this is awesome! sarcasm is such a great thing. awesome post :)

Malin said...

Although I live in a shared house, my bedroom is teeny tiny, and I'm forever trying to work out how to live in it. Helps when it's tidy, actually!!
Thanks for commenting on my blog, and for followinging. Will definitely return the following, cos your blog is hilarious!
Much love!

becky said...

I like this, I like this a lot.

ellie's desk said...

OH, I love your adventures. & I do know how cats are. Great post!

lucy and sarah said...

Love your cats! Its never easy with neighbors. Great stuff!

Krystal said...

haha! this was entertaining, it sounds like an adventure :) and good memories!

The Book Florist said...

You really do have a fantastic writing style. You're so much fun to listen to, and I laughed several times along the way, which is obviously a bonus. Well, perhaps I can't relate, but the story is glorious!

jillian m. said...

Ha! Love your tips (and the sarcasm)!

Brandi {not your average ordinary} said...

Absolutely love this blog post! I decided to get not one, not two, but three cats. Three times the original fun! And it's true -- I really can't have any sort of decorations or balloons or paper or anything cause one of the three will try to eat it. It's a guarantee.

Alexa said...

Oh my gosh this is hilarious! Love the cats tip...too funny!
alexa
www.theshortandthesweetofit.com

a life of color said...

Aw we do have similar blog names! I just love color :). I love this blog post especially because I am about to move into a one bedroom apartment and it will be my first time living without a roommate! I already have a cat and have no plans to get another one. It drives me crazy when she licks herself and then throws up hairballs!

~BB~ said...

Haha! This is so great! Thank you for a mid-morning laugh! (it was needed!) :)

s a m said...

Kaylia, this is so funny (I'm giggling at my desk).

I'd like to add :
Live in apartment with twice as many people as bedrooms. Make all personal phone calls from the bathtub.

oh the joys of living in a studio with my boyfriend!

Carrie Rosalind said...

Hahaha I love this! I've totally experienced a few of these things!

Alex said...

hahaha love this. The two cats especially rings true!

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Bonnie said...

iloveyousomuchyouhavenoidea.
I think we are meant to be soul mates.
These are all the things I would say and do if I was in your situation.
Oh, and I do the hilarious workout video thing, as well. Although Mr. A usually catches me in the act and then pees himself laugh at me.
And I regularly flash the neighbors when I go outside to retrieve the trash cans, wearing only a robe that I usually forget to close all the way. That's cool, too.

http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

AquĆ­ said...

hahahaha!!! love it! They joys of small apartment living in a city! I really do want a cat, but now maybe not? This post gave me some interesting flash back of living in NYC :)

Mandy said...

Simply wonderful and worded quite well...made my afternoon!

Deidre said...

So funny. IC and I are looking into one bedroom apartments in Melbourne. Now I am not so sure I want one :).

Who doesn't want fireworks in the apartment?

teacup adventure said...

I can definitely sympathize with number four! I'm forever coming up with late night decorating schemes, and before I know it, pushing furniture across my third floor apartment at one am!

Ashley said...

Ahhh, the joys of apartment living, is there anything sweeter? Well, yes, a lot of things:) I love your avatar; you look like Dita Von Teese in her pink kitchen:) xx

koralee said...

You are so cute...thanks for the evening smile. xoxox hugs

christine donee said...

I recently.. as in this afternoon.. locked myself out of the apartment and had to break in through a bedroom window via neighbor's fence. fun.

heather said...

haha cute! really? you were locked out on your balcony in your towel? how did you get off balcony/back into apartment?

Jessica said...

This post is utterly fabulous. You completely made my day with this one.

keishua said...

simply lovely. you are so witty. I love this and it so true. I can't wait to get my own cat to dirty up my apartment.

Kelly said...

HAHAHA! This was awesome. Not ideal for you, per say, but I'm glad you've got a sense of humor. Get another cat, it'll help!

Kate said...

Sometimes I miss my old apartment, a studio in NY. Totally mine. Then I moved home, back to Michigan, and got a job and bought a house and fell in love and he moved in. I will live by myself again. What? While I love my life and I wouldn't change it, the singular possibilities are over. It's new.

Kaylan said...

i do that shower thing, too!!!! i thought i was the only person on Earth! lol

Deena Smith said...

This blog was too funny! I've lived in a few one-bedroom Apartments in Melbourne in my younger years and you have to be very creative to make up for the lack of space! With that said, I must say, those years were the best of my life! One bedroom apartments are so fun! Thanks for the great post!