For those on here that don't know: I used to have an eating disorder. One that consumed me from the ages fourteen until eighteen. Anorexia Nervosa, to be specific. But I spent so long having to talk about it in the out-patient program, then to my friends and family afterwards, that I soon tired of mentioning it, and from there it didn’t take long until I tired of thinking about it as well.
But I saw a program on television a little while ago that brought it all to the forefront of my mind again. The program was like all others, trying to decipher exactly why people stop eating. The media is almost always blamed. The size of models, the obsession with looks, and the unhealthy eating habits that is often encouraged with articles like ‘I lost 6 kilos in 3 days!’ And I agree that this sort of attitude that is currently pervasive in society is detrimental. And I believe that it can contribute to people abusing food and their bodies.
But it is not the cause of eating disorders. I certainly never wanted to be a model; I found the whole idea shallow and quite frankly, boring. And I knew that I looked worse the more weight I lost, when looks from boys turned from interested to scared or amused at the sight of my now emancipated frame. The other girls in my out-patient program felt the same way. For us, it was never about looks, it was never about trying to be beautiful. It was so much deeper than that.
I went into the program in 2005, when the buzz surrounding the media hadn’t quite picked up yet. At that time the theory was that girls (the focus was mainly on girls; the theories surrounding boys were completely different) stopped eating because they were scared of growing up and developing woman’s bodies. But the thing is, yes we were scared of growing up, but we were scared of everything. We had looked ourselves in this tiny safe bubble, become more and more segregated from the outside world, until soon anything outside our bubble terrified us.
The theory that we were scared only of our changing bodies did not last very long, thank goodness.
And just like that theory is now null and void, the theory that the media causes eating disorders will soon pass too, and another one will take its place; one formed through studies and interviews conducted by professionals. But they will always be wrong.Because when it comes down to it, the answer as to why eating disorders occur is so much simpler than anyone would dare to believe.
Happy people don’t stop eating.
Happy people don’t starve themselves to the point of hospitalisation.
I was sad, and the other girls in the group were sad. This unhappiness could have been manifested in a variety of ways, such as drug or alcohol abuse, self-harm etc. But this was the path that we just happened to go down. Telling people with eating disorders to learn to feel beautiful, doing a lot of ‘love your body’ work, is simply fixing a problem on the surface. The reasons behind it all are much further down; outside appearance is just another issue amid a myriad of issues that these girls are facing.
Because of this, we need to realise that we can’t put all people with eating disorders into one box, with one idea for treatment. People are sad for a multitude of reasons, and we need to recognise this. Those with eating disorders are so completely different from one another, in a way that current theories do not recognise, and as such, need completely different approaches when beginning recovery.
But the first step will always be the same: Ask them why. Ask them why they stopped eating; ask them why they are sad. Instead of pulling out a textbook and making assumption.
If we recognise that each person is different, and adjust treatment to suit the individual, then the road to recovery may become a whole lot shorter, and we may be a whole lot closer to really understanding than we are at the moment. Jumping from scapegoat to scapegoat is not helping anybody, particularly those who need our help the most.
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And..then there are those, like me, who only dated a guy because she lost weight when he was in her life. Intoxication, perhaps. This new high. Silly..I know. But he found it troubling later, too. Because when he was around me, he always wanted a burger.
But I think deep down, there is this satisfaction we have that we are in control..when we don't eat. Its like a certain strength consumes us.
We are all so complex.
I'm glad you posted about this.
Depriving ourselves now, might endanger you body to other things later on in life. Even diabetes. Of course, I'm sure no one thinks of that at the time, how we are adjusting the body to extreme low blood sugar, then have it come back years later as something completely the opposite. We aren't thinking how we might be making the body old by what we do to it now.
http://thebookisaworld.blogspot.com/2011/09/post-about-happiness.html
I posted a similar thing on Meg's wall the other day--about an understanding of eating disorders being a culmination of these things. I think there is a lot of sad "fad" attributed to eating disorders: a badge of honour that many girls wear to emphasise that they have been troubled--that they have gone through this. But they haven't--because real eating disorders, diseases that are compulsive and consumptive and a fabric of the being, are not paraded like that. They can be likened and explained by the media--they can, indeed, be worsened by it. But I wholeheartedly agree it is NOT their cause: I think their cause, as you say, is far more internal. You are disposed to manifest it in that way or not. I think the approach taken to these sorts of things is often too much of a banner--they are large, vague sweeping statements of proposed understanding. But the heart of the matter--the truth of it--is that every single case is different. Person centred therapy--person centred understanding and care and concern--is, I believe, the way forward. I think that goes for every mental illness, too. Talk to the person. Treat them AS a person--not a textbook or a case study.
Thank-you for being so coherent and clear and upstanding about this. You're always discussing important issues--and it's wonderful, so wonderful, that you are happy to share.
X
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People are always fighting so hard to tell everyone to be their own unique little flower or whatever, but then end up lumping us all together as soon as possible with overarching answers to problems.
Thanks for sharing.
After reading the comments from others I was quite surprised that something as small as a blog post could be so informative and so enlightening to so many people.
I've struggled with an eating disorder so I empathise with everything you wrote and understand it to a 'T'. I'm so happy for you that you are past those days - you must have so much strength and determination.
Take care :)
xoxo
xox
So yes, a great reminder, thank you!
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