Friday, February 25, 2011

Everything in Perspective

The other day I was driving in my car, and became painfully aware of my stomach. How much of it there was. How I couldn’t feel anything else, couldn’t think of anything else, nothing else mattered other than the fact that my stomach was there. When I didn’t want it to be there.

I began to obsess, my breathing became fast and shallow, I wanted to be anybody but who I was right at that moment. I just wanted to be sane.

But then I recalled the promise I had made to myself last week, to focus on what is important in life. And an extra kilo or two is not one of those important things.

As I was focusing on the positives, I remembered what it was like being in the car 6 years ago. When the feeling of the seatbelt against my hips and ribs was painful. Very very painful. When the seatbelt left me covered in bruises, and I dreaded doing it up because it felt like it was going to break me in half. Break every single bone in my body.

My breathing went back to normal. I started to smile. And thought ‘thank god for my curves’.

Note: I hid this down here so that people are less likely to read it..mainly because I come across like a big bucket-full of crazy... *sigh


Googlover/keishua said...

You're not crazy. I think we all have moments where we flashback. You came out of it, though. Oh, I hear you on either a million post or not all on your previous post. I am such a slacker when it comes to blogging at times....

Tiq said...

You have emerged Kaylia. High-5 for that !

Brandi {not your average ordinary} said...

Kaylia, I go through precisely this sometimes. Occasionally in the middle of class. But I like my curves too. I remember that and sit up straight.

Mary Grace said... me, you're not the only one feeling this way. Especially after indulging on oh-so many homemade dark chocolate cupcakes. But I love my curves. I'd always dance in front of the mirror with just boxers and a sports bra on--it's so personal and liberating. I don't let anyone see me because I'm not exactly a talented dancer. That's what I'm kinda self-conscious about.

becky said...

You might have hidden it further down but I am glad I found this post. I get like this too and not solely about my stomach, either---hips, bum, personality. And then I worry about worrying and it is one massive cycle of anxiety. So you're not alone---please never think that!

All those years ago, were you okay? I mean, really okay? I would hate to think that you weren't. I realise that's a really odd way of phrasing such a question, too, for which I apologise.

Thumbs up to curvy girls.

chels.e. said...

it is so great that you were able to realize the negative way in which your thoughts were headed and actively change them. we are all going to have times where negative thoughts attempt to consume us, we just need to remind ourselves of all the positive things that make us who we are, just as you did. and as you said "thank god for curves"! :)