Tuesday, February 8, 2011

The Problem With Comparisons

Comparing yourself to others and coming up short: This is an issue that has been talked about quite a bit in blogland lately.

Normally I'm pretty good when it comes to things like that. I've gotten wiser in my old age I guess. I've learned to accept myself for who I am, and to ignore comparisons with others because it doesn't do anything but lead to dissatisfaction.

However while I was on my honeymoon all of my good work was unraveled just a little bit. Just enough so that it may have been ok, but I couldn't help but to tug on the loose strings until it wasn't.

Because all of those young beach-going girls are just so darn perfect. And I am just so darn not.

I will always be pale no matter how much sunlight I see. I will never be the kind of girl that walks around in a bikini and doesn't feel completely exposed and quite a bit embarrassed. My hair will always be messy and I will always have food on my clothes. I'll never be fashionable, mainly because I just can't bring myself to care enough. I can't do fancy hairstyles or wear heels or wrap a towel around my head after a shower like all other females seem innately to be able to do. I don't understand makeup or how sexy lingerie works. I'll never stop falling over, or dressing like a grandma. And I'll always be quite a bit awkward.

And it didn't feel very good.

Because these girls were everything I wasn't.

But then I got sick and had to spend a whole day in bed. And Joel brought me the collection of Dickens Christmas stories. And they were lovely. The characters weren't always overwhelming beautiful. But they were always completely themselves. And happy with who they were. And that was much more beautiful.

And so I made a pact with myself. To never let all of my hard work become unraveled again. And so I've stopped straightening my hair, and letting it be it's messy self. I'm wearing what I like, even if sometimes it is a little crazy. I'm accepting that the weight I was at before the honeymoon, that I had stayed at for years, is not the weight my body is supposed to be. I should never have compared myself to my friends and family because our bodies are different. I'm different And after two weeks of solid eating and a bit of weight gain, I realise now how much healthier I am. The healthiest I have ever been in fact. And it feels good.

But most importantly I have realised that all of the above stuff? Not important.
Does it represent who I am? Not really. I would much rather be represented by my words and actions, by the kindness I show and by the mistakes that I learn from everyday.
Is it focusing too much on the superficial and not making a difference in the world? You betcha.

But still. It feels good to have taken that first step towards being ok with myself. Despite what I do or don't look like. Despite the superficial aspects of life. I want to work on the inner me, to become a better person. To focus on what is important. And to stop giving things that don't matter the spotlight.

It always takes a fall to make getting up oh so much more meaningful.

I propose that from this moment on we celebrate who we are, imperfections and all. And never ever make meaningless comparisons again.

17 comments:

Tiq said...

Oh Kaylia..

I definitely understand how you feel. I guess we all have those days. I used to think the same way. But eventually, what matters is that I should love and accept myself. Things have a way of turning out for the best.

Remember, a person will be just about as happy as they make up their minds to be.

Now let's celebrate !!!!
*hugsies*

Meher S B said...

Come of think of it, is there anyone who is perfect? I'm not so sure. If someone is sickeningly beautiful then she is dumb, vice-versa. I guess, these are issue that I keep going through as well. But its important to feel good about oneself, because you're something that someone else cannot be.
Hugs!

Jenni Austria Germany said...

ohhh gosh. i am the worst at this sometimes. i like this post.

Brandi {not your average ordinary} said...

It's really easy to compare ourselves to other people. Over the years I've begun to embrace certain things about myself: my pale skin (tanning is bad for it anyways), my athletic frame (I'm never going to be super skinny and I like that)... I think it's so much better to be an unconventional beauty than a conventional one. Remember that.

ola appletea said...

love the post! I'm not so great in writting as you :) but I wish I was better :)

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vintch said...

you write so beautifully, and your words piece my heart. i love what you said about making a pact with yourself. because in the end, it's true that no one can make you feel inferior without your consent, and that pact will be just what you need to warn off self-doubt. your little shield of strength!

Krystal said...

well...you are all the things those girls are not - and that's probably a lot better!!!

but i am curious...what do you do to dry your hair if not wrap a towel around it?? haha!

Paula said...

oh, I absolutely love the first pic! Beautiful!

Have a great time,
Paula

Katie Anderson said...

These are really wise words Kaylia! We should all follow them, although I agree that it's sometimes much harder than it sounds. Thanks for sharing this.

Henar said...

You write so beautifully, really talented girl. Fantastic words.
xx

Henar
... OH MY VOGUE!

becky said...

You always seem to write the words I need to see another person utter at just the right time. All of those things you outlined, I, too, am rubbish at. Sometimes I even have stubble on my legs and a massive knot in my hair. And sometimes I don't smile enough. Or wear the right shoes. Sometimes my mascara runs and my make-up, when I do wear it, patches. I eat too much chocolate. And don't run. I have hips and a stomach and arms that are more than bone---legs too. But everyday I feel like I am working on my insides. And I hope, one day, I can be have the sorts of insides I really am proud of, whatever the outside.

Thankyou, again, for this post. I always come to yours when I need a little bit of womanly wisdom.

P.S - Dressing like a grandma is nothing to be afraid of. Let's embrace it!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

That last line sums it up, amen.

The Many Colours of Happiness said...

Thank you guys, your comments are always so nice!

@Krystal: I used to use a blow-dryer..now my hair just stays wet haha. Convenient :p

Sara Louise said...

AMEN! I just had a conversation with a friend last night about why I'm so tired all the time and it's basically because I'm running around like a lunatic trying to fulfill all these unrealistic expectations I put on myself trying to be one of these 'perfect' girls. It's never going to happen, I'm not one of those girls and I just need to relax about it and embrace myself. We're pretty great just the way we are :-)

Anonymous said...

your blogs always makes me feel warm and smily and give me an aha! moment! you are just so special and lovely ♥♥♥

love

Katie Bee

wilybrunette said...

this is so beautifully written and thought out. yes, yes--it is our perfections that make us beautiful!

i recently had a similar set of revolutionary thoughts--what if instead of focusing on the 10 lbs i think i need to lose, i focus instead on how far i've already come. and replace the i wants and i needs with i am perfect, as is. what will be, will be. my body is perfect right now, just as it is, at this moment.

and if i can focus on that, it puts an end to eating that is driven simply by guilt about what i may have previously eaten in the day, or disappointment that my body isn't more this or more that.

Kelly said...

We, as humans but also as women, are far too hard on ourselves. It only hurts us to compare ourselves to others. I'm with you: let's stop trying to match up, and start loving who we are.