Dreaming big..and why not?

With all of the disasters occurring, so many people losing their homes and their families, it really makes you reassess your life, doesn’t it? Something can happen, and in the blink of an eye it’s all gone. No one sees it coming. And suddenly your whole world turns upside-down forever.

Before I begin rambling on, I just want to say that my heart goes out to all of those that have lost in this tragedy. And it is wonderful to see the world banding together to help out those in need.

To donate to the cause I recommend Save The Children. They are a fantastic organisation, with almost every cent you donate heading overseas (I think it’s 90-95%, correct me if I’m wrong).

As soon as I heard about what happened, I couldn’t help but think: How many of the people affected were living the lives they wanted. How many were following their dreams, not matter what the risks? How many were standing up for what they believe in?

And how many were unhappy?

I don’t want to die tomorrow knowing that I always played it safe.

I want to say that I followed my dreams. Took chances. Cared, loved, laughed and lived with everything that I had.

In the past I have always picked what was safe. When, at the age of 17 I had to decide what to do with my life (don’t get me started on the system!); I didn’t go with what I wanted to do. I didn’t choose what would make me happy, something I had a real passion for. I chose what would get me a job. Social Work wasn’t a passion, it was snap decision made a month before I had to apply for university. And while I convinced myself to care about it, because I couldn’t stand the thought of not knowing where I was going, I always knew deep down that I was just not politically correct enough to ever be any good at it.

I have started lately to feel like I did back when I was 17. I am not entirely sure what I want to do. I am not sure whether what I am doing is because I am playing it safe all over again. I love teaching. I really do. But I am still not sure whether that is what I want to do with my life. Is loving something enough to put all of that work into it?

I need to feel that passion. That excitement. Knowing that I will wake up every morning happy because this is what I want. With all of my being. This is it.

When I was younger I was so sure I was going to do something amazing. Not to be confused with being famous. But I was going to create something. Something special. Something that will still be there long after I’m gone.

That passion disappeared after a while. I settled into my comfortable little life. I settled into the idea of ordinary. It is not being ordinary that bothers me, not at all. But it is the idea of having so little faith in myself that I feel ordinary is all I ever will be. That I should never aim for more.

A few weeks ago a little seed of crept into my mind. About what I was doing. Where I was going. And with that seed of doubt came a spark. A spark of passion. That feeling that I had not had for a very long time. The idea that I can do anything. I can follow my dreams. I don’t need to settle for less, just because fear and doubt and a multitude of insecurities have held me back for a while.

I don’t need to succeed. Not at all. I just need to try. And know that I tried with all of my might.

So naysayers beware. I’m reaching for the stars.