-a rewarding career
-the satisfaction of being awesome
The satisfaction of being awesome?!
I wanted the satisfaction of being awesome!!!
I don't think I have ever been so excited about a job before. I figured that they must be the coolest people ever. Rather than a dental assistant job, I may have gotten carried away and pictured a place quite similar to Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory.
So I commissioned my brother (who is much much funnier than me) to write a cover letter in response to the ad. This is what he came up with:
To whom it may concern,
I wish to apply for the Dental Assistant (and so much more) position advertised at Seek.com on the 12th of April, 2011.
Although your advertisement specifically said that no experience was necessary, I would not like my vast experience with working with teeth to go unrecognised.
I have owned and looked after my own set of teeth for the past 20 years. Admittedly I did lose quite a few of them during the early years, but somehow they seem to have grown back. I feel as if this is quite impressive.
In the past I worked as Assistant Manager in the coffee shop Gloria Jeans, and every other worker in the store also had their own set of teeth. This shows that I am able to work well in a tooth filled environment without feeling intimidated. I feel it should also be noted that during my time there, every single worker retained every one of their teeth.
In my current job as an Office Administrator at All Suburbs Cleaning Agency, the teeth to staff ratio is significantly less impressive, but that is simply due to the age of the staff working there, and not due to any fault of my own. They were like that when I got there. I am under the impression that working in a dentist office would mean that I would have to endure lengthy periods of time with people lacking in teeth, and I believe that I’ve proved that I would be up to this task without fear or repulsion.
In terms of my education, I have completed a Bachelor of Arts at the ANU, and am now studying Education at the UC, which shows that I am able to recognise when a particular pathway is a dead-end, as well as retain my teeth under pressure.
I am a confident person, friendly, and am able to present myself in a very professional manner. I am able to work autonomously as well as in a team environment, and believe that my experience and teeth will be an asset to the team. Thank you for taking the time to consider my application. I look forward to the opportunity of meeting with you and discussing how awesome I will have the satisfaction of being should I get the position.
Great, right? I love my brother.
But in conclusion I got an interview, and it was not like Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. At. All. In fact, they were the most professional, boring group of people I have ever met.
I still cry at night from the disappointment.
But hey, at least I got this cover letter out of it :)