Monday, June 27, 2011

The Six Dirtiest Words Cont.

Thank you all so much for the feedback on my last post. I was quite nervous telling the world that I don’t mind the way that I look. You wouldn't believe the amount of times I wanted to go back and just delete the entire post... Or write a new one promising that I do, in fact, think that I am unattractive.

It’s odd, isn’t it? I am quite sure I have posted that I like who I am a few times on this blog and not batted an eyelid. But to say something positive about your looks, particularly to others, is terrifying. And I DID get some negative feedback about it too. Though I have previously posted that I am awkward looking/strange looking/ugly, and I certainly have not gotten negative feedback for that.

One person brought up a good point. When someone says that they think that they’re beautiful, we automatically assume that they think that they’re more beautiful than us. We go around constantly telling ourselves how horrible looking we are, and when someone doesn’t share our self-loathing, we assume that it is because they think that they are better than we are. Otherwise how else can they be comfortable with themselves? But when someone says that they are nice, funny, witty, or brave, we have no problem with it. Because we all either believe that we too are nice/funny/brave people, or don't mind that we're not.

But everything in our society seems to be becoming more and more focused on looks. And so that is what we’re placing so much importance on, when it honestly shouldn’t be the big deal that it is.

When I look around at all of people I know, both male and female, they’re all beautiful in their own way. Maybe they don’t fit the Hollywood stereotype, but they are just as beautiful. And what is so wrong with them being able to see it? I would be so happy if they did. If they stopped taking one certain look as something to aim for, and becoming unhappy with themselves if they don’t quite reach it.

I wasn’t, in my last post, saying that we should go around constantly talking about how gorgeous we are. But we also shouldn’t be talking negatively about ourselves either; that too should be just as socially unacceptable. But in the right context, like I believe it was in my post, we shouldn’t be ashamed of saying it. We shouldn’t be made to feel bad for not hating the way that we look.

Obviously, we are all going to have good and bad days. Days where we get dressed up and feel like a princess/prince, and days where we look in the mirror and wish that we hadn’t. But overall, wouldn’t it be wonderful if we all liked ourselves? If we were all quite happy with what we looked like, like most are already happy with the kind of person they are (again, good and bad days, but overall).

I hope, during the next week, that you tell the world that you’re beautiful; whether it’s at home by yourself, to a close friend or partner, in a blog post, or shouted from the top of a tall building. And I want you to believe it. And to feel no shame for that.


Gentri said...

I'm sorry there was negative feedback. There shouldn't be. I think these are wonderful posts!!

Kari said...

You always write things I wish I had thought of first! :) Both posts were excellent, as are you.

Matisse said...


Ashley said...

hear hear. I try to remind myself of my good qualities all the time (including my looks). It gets exhausting to constantly tear ourselves down. How about some building? :D

ellie's desk said...

I always think of our Asian neighbor saying to my mom.."You handsome woman with handsome son..." I dunno what I thought of that. Usually, what we think of beauty is something we don't have.

And yet I see beauty all around me, in old eyes, little kids smiles, my cat waiting for me to scratch his tummy.

I will have to keep reminding myself I'm beautiful or maybe just being part of a beautiful day.

lucy and sarah said...

It needs to be my new mantra.

SJ said...

your last post reminded me of that scene in 'Mean Girls' where they're all complaining about various parts of their body and when Lindsay Lohan's character doesn't have anything to say, they just look at her in disdain so she says she has bad breath in the morning.

It's definitely one of those things where people don't want to come across as being boastful or arrogant and it's easier to just put yourself down then go against the grain. I think that is especially true in Australian culture.

misslikey said...

I think it's just wonderful what you wrote...that's why I like your blog-because you are honest. beauty is not symmetrical nose and really comes from inside and it's mostly the perception of ourselves what other people see.
so why we always have to apologize if we think that we are great, even if we have or don't have "symmetrical face"
I feel beautiful!:)

Aquí said...

Negative feedback? Boo on that! I loved your last post! In fact, I think women need to tell themselves that they are beautiful! It's clear that we further need someone to tell us to tell our selves, that we're beautiful! If that makes any sense.... :)

Jo said...

Amen! Good looks are a trait. Just like being a math wiz, musically inclined, athletically gifted. Just a trait. Nothing wrong with claiming it.
And beauty comes in so many forms, shapes, sizes, characteristics, etc.
All that aside, you just have to feel sorry for people who take the time to leave negative feedback on other people's blogs. So sad.
And you, my blog friend, are beautiful in so many ways.

The Book Florist said...

Did you seriously have negative feeback? That is so terribly sad, isn't it? It really was about time that what you had to say was said, and you put it so tastefully and authentically that it must have touched some sore spots on some real grumps. It is such an important message. Well done. VERY well done.

I would like to say thankyou for voting on my challenge, and I found it funny and surprising what you said about Frankenstein. I would love to know what it was that you enjoyed so much about it! Like, what did you like?

Thankyou and take care.

Laura @ My Thoughts-Uninterrupted said...

I think people are scared to say they are beautiful because hardly anyone ever says that about themselves. And it's true, if you do actually say it then people think you are full of yourself and dismiss you. Insecurities all around right? But yes, we should all encourage each other to feel beautiful in our own ways and put all the judgies aside.

Sabrina said...

I haven't read the negative feedback but I don't think you should apologize or excuse yourself for saying you think you look good, and for making the point that we all should be able to say and think that about ourselves. In fact, I think it's a wonderful message, to say: "Hey, it's okay to like the way you look, even if you're not perfect."

Because, really, what's perfection? Is it what we see in the magazines? Or is it what we see in the mirror? Do we want to subject ourselves to the Hollywoody opinion that perfection is bronze skin, flat tummies, and so on and so forth? Are we less attractive when we decide to not subject to that, for whatever reason? I think not, certainly not. And most men would agree, too. It's women who are so critical of themselves and others.

Ah well, I'm digressing, but anyway, I think you are right.

mel said...

seriously great posts, and not easy ones. well done :)

amy b.s. said...

i say good for you. you have a a right to feel good about yourself and say it. it doesn't mean you think too highly of yourself, but loving yourself and how you look is just a part of growing and knowing who you are.

Kacey Hayes said...

I just wish I'd caught these sooner. I'm so happy to subscribe to your blog! These kinds of thoughts from a positive, fabulous, beautiful brain just make my day.

Indigo said...

I love this couple of posts so much! It's funny, because I know I'm objectively fairly pretty (...I found that so hard to type! How ridiculous. It does sound like bragging, even though I qualified it with "objectively" and "fairly"), but I'm the girl who looks in the mirror and greets herself with a barrage of abuse. I'm trying to change that. And I know that in some ways, I am beautiful. I think you are too ^__^.

Deidre said...

Negative feed back! grrr.

I definitely try to see the beauty in people when I walk down the street. it's such a better and more positive way to walk around then being all "Wow, he is WAY more attractive than that girl"

Bonnie said...

Negative feedback???? That makes me vomit.
Everyone is beautiful in his or her own way.
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

LCR said...

some amazing thoughts here. Wow. It's crazy that people would react negatively to positive thought. We all need to have more positive thought, especially abotu our bodies-- the 'case' to the person we are! We should be nothing if not proud of that. And you're right, we all have good and bad days, but good you for expressing a positive self image, we need more girls like you:)

Anonymous said...

Yes! I loved your last two posts. This probably seems silly but a TV program really quite changed the way I treat myself: the UK version of How to Look Good Naked. I recommend it for everyone. Suddenly I looked at my body so much more lovingly and instead of fighting everything (cankles, jiggly everything, big boobs), i just embrace it and work what I have. I was always one of those people who thought I'd love myself if I just lost those last 10 pounds and until then, I was just awful. Now my friends and I are proponents of telling each other that their gorgeous (in that Ab Fab way, natch)

Aquí said...

I thinks its important to look back on posts from the past. I have most definitely change since I started. In fact I really dislike some of my older posts. I just realized I'm not officially following you!! I'm so sorry and thats so strange because I read all of your posts! So sorry about that. Now officially a follower! :)

Alli said...

No! It was a beautiful post. You're absolutely right, it's important to feel comfortable with who we are. I say that as long as you're treating yourself in a healthy manner then you are beautiful! I don't worry about looks the way most girls my age do - I never have. I put on make up maybe once every three days (and by makeup I mean some mascara). I just never got into it. Once I move to a more professional route, rather than student, I'll probably put some on to have a more adult look and not blend in with my students. Yet I don't think I need make up.

You're right, society has conditioned us to look for the negatives but we should look at the positives. Plus, for me, being a good person always outweighed the physical appearance.

nancy said...

I adore these posts! and they come at such a terrifically convenient time for me.
this is something that I am battling with all my might at the moment. I have struggled with self-image for as long as I can remember. no matter how much weight I lose, no matter how my other physical and personal attributes shine, I never feel satisfied.
I don't want to be that girl.
I am trying, and I say trying with every shred of honesty that I can muster, to quell that voice inside my head that says "ugh" when I see my thighs. I'm not even going to notice my thighs; the size of my thighs is unimportant. (it seems so obvious to say, doesn't it?!)
thank you for solidifiying the knowledge that appearance does not matter - health, kindness and happiness matter.

iris said...

Ah, this post reminds me of another post on being pretty: "This, this is about my own some-day daughter. When you approach me, already stung-stayed with insecurity, begging, “Mom, will I be pretty? Will I be pretty?” I will wipe that question from your mouth like cheap lipstick and answer, “No! The word pretty is unworthy of everything you will be, and no child of mine will be contained in five letters.

“You will be pretty intelligent, pretty creative, pretty amazing. But you, will never be merely ‘pretty’.”"

But then, it also reminds me of "David Foster Wallace on Life and Work".

I'm sorry I'm just a giant source of links these days, haha.

Kelly said...

I loved both of these posts! You're so right - society often hears those words and hears, "I think I'm prettier than you", and that is often not the case! I like the way I look, but I'm not saying I'm the most beautiful girl in the room. Often, the people that think those things are those who are self conscious and take it the wrong way. I think a similar train of thought applies to people who are confident in their personalities. Often, being outgoing or overtly friendly can be taken as "I think my personality is better than yours." Which, again, is not always the case.