I was looking back at my old blog posts the other day, which made me realise just how much I have changed since August of last year. I think it’s partly to do with blogging (through sorting out my thoughts, getting advice from wonderful people, and seeing so many brave bloggers follow their dreams), and partly to do with my complete dissatisfaction with my current degree; that I have decided to finally work towards something I really want, rather than settling for less.
If you have followed me for a while, you’ll know that I have a tendency to play it safe. Because of this, I have always steered towards career-based degrees, rather than subjects I actually enjoy. Which hasn't been the best decision, since despite my desire to be practical and do practical subjects, I am the least practical person in the entire world. Give me an essay to write and I am in my element. Get me to do anything hands-on that doesn’t involve a lot of words and self-reflection...and I will probably cry. I have nightmares about having to write lesson plan after lesson plan. Which is exactly what teaching entails. Maybe not the best career choice for me?
So while I loved the kids and they loved me...my lessons sucked. They were just the worst. I have no concept of what would work in a real classroom setting. My ideas were just ridiculous. I live in a land filled with words and theories like ‘post-modernism’ and other such terms that everyone uses to sound smart but no one really understands; not a land of ‘hands-on’ activities and ‘real-life’.
And I think, most importantly, it was the feeling I got every morning before I entered the school. That sinking feeling. While I enjoyed my days there when I actually entered the building, I really found it difficult to make myself walk inside. To make myself take those steps. I don’t want a job that I dread going to. I work every day now, and while it’s not an amazing job, I don’t have any problem going to it. I don’t need to feel excitement about work; I’m not all that fussy. But I don’t want a job that I feel unhappy about going to.
And so I felt that is was time to change tactics. Instead of picking a career-based degree and trying to force myself to like it; I am going to do a degree that I am really interested in. If a job comes out if it, then great! And if it doesn’t, at least I know that I tried.
So starting next month, I am doing my Masters in Writing and Literature. It’s not practical, but it is something that I will really enjoy.
And I have started to realise that life is short, and doing what you love is the important thing. Even if there isn’t a guaranteed career waiting at the end of it.