The Many Colours of Happiness

I have always been very superstitious about New Years. For as long as can remember, I have believed that however I am feeling as the clock strikes 12, is how the rest of my year is going to be. And for the most part, it has worked out that way. But I'm starting to wonder if maybe it has all been a self-fulfilling prophecy. Maybe the 'not so great' years I have had, have been mostly my own doing. It's more than likely. Take New Years 2006 for example. I was in a very busy club (what was I thinking?!) having a very miserable time. As the clock struck 12, just as I had realised that I had managed to lose my friends and would be bringing in the New Year alone, a very drunk individual managed to pour his entire glass of wine down my back. And that was it. I decided then and there that my year was going to terrible. No matter what. And the year did turn out to be pretty ordinary. All because I was expecting it to be. I ruined an entire year because someone spilt their drink d...

It is officially Christmas Eve. My life is now officially complete once again. I mean, I love life and all..but usually it just feels like I'm killing time until Christmas rolls around once more.* I love Christmas. In case I have not mentioned that before. Love it. So much in fact that if it had proposed to me at the same time Joel did...I may have chosen Christmas. Sorry buddy. Nothing personal. I was not in such high spirits this morning. Why, you ask? Because *drum roll*...it was a cloudy day. This may not mean anything to you, but due to the fact that Canberra has been in a severe drought for the last 10 years, Christmas Eve has always been lovely and sunny. We sit outside, wear summer dresses (this is optional for the guys), soak up the sunshine, and eat until we feel sick. THAT is Christmas Eve. Christmas Eve does NOT involve carrying an umbrella, sitting inside and wearing a jacket. In short: CHRISTMAS EVE WAS RUINED. And I was angry. God I was angry. The world had turned it...

I want a guy who will send me flowers just because it's Wednesday -From Juwanna Mann (haven't seen this movie..not really my thing. But I just love this quote) Image from: http://www.styleityou.com/2010/04/27/fashionable-quote-love/

In case I haven't made it clear...I'm rather socially awkward. Not that I have trouble talking, but most of the time I tend to ramble and put my foot in my mouth. Well, every time. In an effort to maintain at least the appearance of normality when I meet strangers, I have started to watch what I say. And it's getting increasingly difficult if the person I am meeting is as awkward as me. Socially acceptable conversation starters are not my specialty. My old method used to be to fire questions at somebody I had just met until I found something we both liked, or had the same view on. Or if we had differing views, then we would at least have something to enthusiastically argue about. However, at Joel's work party I really did want to make a good impression. Mostly because I've made such a bad impression at the last few. Note: do not drink as much as you can as quickly as possible to calm the nerves. Particularly when the drinks are free. It was all going fine...until: J...

So, these are the shops near where I live. Queanbeyan is officially flooded! *sigh* so much for warm summer days. Floods are pretty cool too though, I'm not going to lie. I think now would be the time to test the reliability of my brother's blow up raft, yes? ps . photo by Graham Gall http://www.facebook.com/#!/graham.gall

Well, I am officially back. Holidays have started, uni is over for another two months, I am free, free, free. However, I just HAD to share an important life lesson with you all before I start blogging about the wonders of the holiday season (which will probably be my only focus throughout December. I love Christmas/everything Christmas related. Love. It.) Well, as I was 'studying' for my language ed exam, I decided to quickly check to see if my Maths marks had come back. They had not. But I did stumble across a forum post from a fellow student. This student had uploaded not 1, but 2 helpful maths studies that will assist us in our studies and future teaching. She called this 'procrastination'. This was not procrastination. This was making efficient use of time while having a break from studying. SHE WAS FAILING AT FAILING AT LIFE. All I could think was 'That poor poor girl. Obviously no one has ever shown her the way. And now it's too late. The path to true pro...

Hey guys, as you have probably noticed I've taken a bit of a blog vacation.  I'm just terrible at multi-tasking, and final weeks of uni/exams + blogging..well it just doesn't work, I get waaay too distracted. Especially because there are so many amazing blogs I follow that I just couldn't resist checking out if I logged on!  So until December the 3rd I'll be studying like crazy while trying not to get too distracted by life/my cats/funny clips on youtube. So I'll leave you with some lovely quotes about happiness that will hopefully make you smile and feel all fuzzy inside like they made me: "We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have" Frederick Keonig "Don't rely on someone else for your happiness and self worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can't love and respect yourself - no one else will be able to make ...

One thing I have really been missing since I moved out is a backyard. Lying in green grass, surrounded by flowers, bees buzzing overhead. Watching the clouds pass and maybe having a nap in the sunshine. Not that I did that often. Which is a shame. But that's usually the way. You don't know what you've got til it's gone etc. etc. insert similar, equally overused quotation here. But it really has been a positive too. Because I have become so much more eager to be outdoors. I have started to take any opportunity to go for walks, sit in the sunshine, read a book in the park. And it's great. I feel so much healthier. And have more energy. And enthusiasm for life. All because of a little fresh air. It made me realise how much we're missing out on by spending so much of our lives indoors. We work in offices, lock ourselves away, rarely venture out if the weather drops below 18 degrees (Celsius!). Sit in front on tv and ignore life. So this summer, due to the lack of ba...

Words have the power to break a heart Or inspire a dream The ‘Virtues Project’ Linda Kavelin Popov, (2000), page 3 Image from: http://www.etsy.com/listing/59188917/bunny-clouds-print-8x10

I am the kind of girl who overthinks things. Not everything..but things that are especially important to me. Maybe that's necessary sometimes, but sometimes it is better to follow your heart and go with the flow. I did not want to teach. Every rational part of me told me it was a bad idea. Not only was I terrified, but at the age of 10 I decided i did not have anything to say to children and I have stuck by that. When I started this degree, I had NO idea I would be placed in mainstream schools (I was only interested in special needs). I was on the verge of dropping out of uni altogether only a few short weeks ago. But I decided, against all better judgement, that I didn't have anything to lose. And so I went. And I loved it. I loved getting to know the kids. They were amazing little people, and much more complex than i had ever given anyone under 13 credit for. I loved those moments when you knew you had made a connection with a difficult student. And while things weren't g...

'We expected more from the twenty-first  century. Some direction, some push, some instruction for living in the present continuous.  A cure for boredom, perhaps, self-annihilating or otherwise. Instead we set the scene, take the photo, update our status as well as the shared sense of oblique geographies: forcing us onto the side of the road, somewhere near  ____.  Aden Rolfe ’s ‘ Exchanges ’ I absolutely love this piece. And sadly, it is so true to life.  People aren't living for themselves anymore. They are living lives that they think other people want to see.  Everyone wants to feel special and important. They want to BE someone. And they want the world to watch. So they upload a photo and update their status. I am starting to hate facebook. And yes, I have one. I update my status. I upload photos, write on walls, click attending when events come up. But it's not me. Nothing on there represents me. It may represent who I want to be. Or who I am when you first meet me. Sn...

My favourite quote from Pushing Daises:  Chuck:  I can’t even hug you? What if you need a hug? A hug can turn your day around. Ned:  I’m not a big fan of the hug. Chuck:  Then you haven’t been hugged properly. It’s like an emotional Heimlich. Someone puts their arms around you and they give you a squeeze and all your fear and anxiety come shooting out of your mouth in a big wet wad and you can breath again. http://www.thepiemaker.com/pushing-daisies-quotes/ ps. Apologies to my followers/people I'm following, I have been reading blogs (love them all!) but have had no time to comment because of professional experience :( One week to go!

Have a mentioned that I want to live in France?  My dream has been Germany up until now. I fell in love with the country and the wonderful people when I went there three years ago. The cobblestone streets, the bikes and cafes, their love of Christmas that borders on obsession.  Ahh, it's everything I ever wanted. Perfection.  But..there is something very appealing about France to me right now. It's not the fact that most of favourite authors come from there. Nor that I'm in love with wine, bread and cheese (though I am). Neither is it the beautiful language, the fascinating history or the amazing architecture.  It's that they don't take anything lying down.  Politicians don't just blindly run the country, ignoring what is good for the people. Ignoring what the people want. If the government makes a decision that people don't like, you hear about it.  Boy do you hear about it.  While I'm not saying I support riots (as I have never been in one so I have no...

This week has been crazy. and busy. and wonderful. I don't remember the last time I have felt this exhausted. But in a good way. I feel like I'm really living in the moment. Throwing myself into everything headfirst. It's nice. Really nice. So it will be a quick blog today, simply because anything I write will make little to no sense. I just wanted to share the wedding dress I just bought. I didn't ever want to go traditional. Ever. But it's rockabilly, and lace, and everything wonderful. So I swallowed my pride and got it. What do you think? ps. Dress (and pic!) from http://www.vivienofholloway.com/en/category/50s%20Halterneck%20Luxury%20Dress/1950s-halterneck-luxury-dress/96/

I did not have a good week.  I was going to blog about it too. I was going to get on here, vent, whinge and complain until I felt all better. A minute ago I logged on here with the exact intention of doing so. Because it's my blog and I'll damn well complain if I want. That's right.  But you and I both know that rehashing life's little problems, after the first bout of complaining to loved ones, does not solve anything. It just makes you feel worse. If it's over it's over. And even thinking about posting it makes me feel that little bit worse. So here are the positives from the week instead. More fun to read for you guys (I hope!), and a lot less soul crushing for me. (note that the soul crushing line is a wild exaggeration. My week wasn't all that bad. I am just dramatic. It's more fun that way) But I did have a win. Oh and what a win. I got a HD on the 75 activities I made up for my language education class. This may not seem like a big deal but here...

I just love the rain. The smell, the sound, the feeling. The idea of it even. Nothing is better than being curled up in a warm room enjoying a cup of tea with a cozy sweater on. Listening to rain as it falls against the roof, creating a symphony all on it's own. I used to hate the rain. It equated to frizzy hair and a day stuck inside. However one day I had one of those moments. Those moments when everything feels exactly as it should. When you are exactly where you want to be. This happened when I went to a festival in the middle of summer. And not only was there a severe thunderstorm, it was hailing. And freezing. I have been to Germany in the middle of winter and I don't think I have ever been so cold as on that day. We decided to stay for half an hour. So we didn't feel like we had wasted our money. We were miserable. All we wanted to do was sit somewhere warm. But we forced ourselves to stay just for a little bit. We ended up staying for 8 hours. Dancing in the rain. M...

Happy birthday dad!!!! Thank you for always being there for me and for being the best father anyone could ask for. Oh, and thank you for passing your attractive genes on to me :p

I was going to write a completely different post today, but after listening to a recording from a lecture that I had missed, I decided to write a continuation from a post I wrote in August instead: http://themanycoloursofhappiness.blogspot.com/2010/08/unconditional-like-isnt-always.html Basically my stance was that the self-esteem movement in schools may be more harmful than helpful to students. And after listening to the lecture for my 'Promoting Positive Learning Environments' class (I am studying Primary Teaching for those that don't know), research is backing up my claim. To go a little bit off track, I had started to become disheartened with my degree because everyone was so politically correct (both the lecturers and my fellow students). All of the classes were about making the children feel special, building self-esteem, making sure to eliminate any hint of competition in schools etc. That's not to say that I don't agree with these things..to an extent. But I...

I believe that exclamation marks make every sentence better. Example: I believe that exclamation marks make every sentence better!!!!!!!!!!! ..... Point proven.

When I was kid I never wanted to get married. Ever. I was too busy thinking about how to take over the world (for the good of mankind of course... I learned later that it's called a dictatorship..) than to ever think seriously about the opposite sex. Don't get me wrong, I did plan on having a boyfriend one day. I  was going to meet some easy going guy who was madly in love with me and I would grace him with my presence maybe once a month. I was never going to be in love though. Not only was I completely against the idea of letting myself love someone, but I did not believe in it at all. I mean, divorce statistics speak for themselves. What was particularly perplexing to me was that not only can people fall in love, people can fall out of love. How can so much trust be placed on something that seems to come and go faster than the seasons change? And people just keep on going back for more. Not for me. No thanks.  And when I met Joel I felt the same way. Here was a cool easy goin...

Oh my goodness, spring is FINALLY here!!! I promise myself every year that my mood won't rely a good deal more than it should on the season. But every time the cherry blossoms come out and the jackets come off my spirit lifts immeasurably. And I know I'm not only one. People start to smile more, seem to become more at peace with themselves and the world. Everything just seems to slow down and become that little bit more relaxed. I love being outside when it's warm, with the sunshine dancing and the smell of spring wafting through the air. When work is over and nobody rushes home because the sun is still shining and the day isn't over. When long summer nights are spent with friends, rather than spending short winter nights curled up at home under a blanket. Not to mention the dresses (oh, the dresses!), iced tea from cute cafes, reading books under trees, road trips,flowers, fresh fruit, festivals, bare feet, holidays and picnics. Ahh Spring, I'm so glad you have ar...

I don't normally write about the things that I have done, mostly because I don't want to sound too 'Dear diary, today I blah blah blah, boring boring boring'. But I have had such a fabulous few weekends that I just had to share! (the fact that both weekends were long weekends made them that little bit sweeter, I have to admit). I also have no idea how to put photos nicely into blogs so here are photos from my weekends just shoved haphazardly here, there and everywhere.. Last weekend I went to Nightfest at Floriade with Joel and my friend Mel. For those that don't know what Floriade is (basically anyone who doesn't have the same postcode as me), it's an annual flower festival in Canberra. It's really lovely. There are handmade markets, art displays, and an amazing tulip exhibition (the flowers are arranged to create pictures). We went on Sunday night (hence the term 'Nightfest'..lame I know) and it was so beautiful. The whole park is lit up and in...

As to the words they spoke, they were breaths and nothing more, but breaths that set all Nature stirring. They were a magic which would have little meaning were they to be set down on paper, those murmurs destined to be borne away like puffs of smoke under the leaves. If we rob the words of lovers of the melody from the heart that accompanies them like a lyre, what remains is but the shadow. Is that really all? - mere childishness, things said and said again, triteness, foolishness and reasonless laughter? Yes that is all, but there is nothing on earth more exquisite or more profound. Those are the only things that are really worth saying and worth hearing, and the man who has never heard or uttered them is a bad man and a fool.  -Victor Hugo

I have not been able to blog all week, mainly because I have had a major assignment due and procrastinating by writing a blog rather than simply sitting...well it just felt too productive so I didn't do it. I have been thinking a lot about failure lately. About how there is so much pressure to do well. All the time. Not just at school, or work, but life in general. We all go around only doing the things that we are good at; or avoiding things just because we are scared we may not get it quite right. Scared of being a 'failure'. When really you need to fail to progress in life. To become the person you want to be. To experience life as it should be experienced, not simply through the little protective bubbles we put around ourselves.  For a long time (as long as I can remember) I wanted to be perfect. At everything. In every way. Failure terrified me. But I did fail. All the time.  I was so far from the perfection I craved that by the time I reached college my self-esteem wa...

This is my inspiration when things get a bit tough. When all I want to do is hide away from the world. Husserl has restored to things their horror and their charm. He has restored to us the world of artists and prophets: frightening, hostile, dangerous, and with it's havens of mercy and love. He has cleared the way for a new treaties on the passions that would be inspired by this simply truth, so utterly ignored by the refined among us: If we love a woman, it is because she is lovable. We are delivered from Proust. We are likewise delivered from the 'internal life': in vain would we seek the caresses and fondlings of our intimate selves, like Amiel, or like a child who kisses his own shoulder- for everything is finally outside: everything, even ourselves. Outside, in the world, among others. It is not in some hiding-place that we will discover ourselves; it is on the road, it the town, in the midst of the crowd, a thing among things, a human among humans. -Jean Paul Sartre

I have been reading Les Miserables over the last few weeks, and it honestly has changed my entire outlook on life. Don't you just love books like that? So rare, but when you find them they are worth a million hours spent reading. There are a group of students in the book who are dreamers. They are revolutionaries. They want to change the world. They sit around and have discussions around human rights, politics and the universe. They spend hours sitting in the streets of Paris observing the people. Observing the world. They meditate under trees and think about important issues. They think about life. And it made me realise how shallow and unimportant so much of the world is. So much of my life. So many hours are wasted discussing clothes and television, rather than ethics and altruism. I know a lot of people think this all sounds stupid. That sitting around dreaming is a waste of time. But what were we given brains for if not to think with? Why were we born in this amazing world if ...

I read an article in the newspaper a while back about the amazing imagination that children have. The incredible way they see the world. The woman writing the article had a daughter who used weather to describe her moods. For example she would say she felt 'thunderstorm' or 'rainbows'. I think this is perfect. I never feel as if words like 'sad' or 'ecstatic' can ever come even close to covering how you are feeling. But thunderstorms and rainbows? Now that's the way to describe things! Today I am feeling sun-showery. How are you feeling?

I cried the other day. For no reason at all. I couldn't stop. It was like all of my worries, frustrations and heartbreaks came out at once. And it hurt. Really hurt. But the next day I woke up feeling like a whole new person. Well, not a whole new person. But the beginnings of one. It was if the tears of the day before really had washed everything away. And when I stepped outside the sun seemed that little bit brighter, my step a little bit lighter, and I fell in love with life all over again. 

1. Making cupcakes. There is nothing better! The mixture tastes amazing all the way through and you can decorate them any colour that you want afterwards! 2. Dancing around my room to music that I love. Downside: I look amazing in my head, but when I go out I realise my imagination has deceived me once again.. 3. Happy music in general. It always puts me in a good mood :) 4. Watching my favourite movie or reading my favourite book. I can do either of these activities over and over and over again and I am just as happy every time. 5. Going for a walk. Especially in spring, when all the cherry blossoms are out and the whole world is transformed. 6. Hugging my cats. Or my friends. Or Joel. But my cats can purr so they win. 7. Playing piano and getting lost in the music. 8. Road-trips! Singing loudly at the top of our lungs and getting into crazy situations. 9. Sleepy conversations about life, love and the universe 10. The person who stuck teddy bears to trees along the highway to the coas...

I am going to a 'Bohemian Masquerade Ball' tonight. I am quite excited. I have never been to anything 'Masquerade' before and it is such a romantic word (is it French? Because the French seem to make all their words sound romantic). There will be magicians, gypsy bands, cabaret, burlesque and circus acts. Is that not the perfect combination? I went to something similar last week, called 'The Gangsta's Ball'. It was amazing, everyone was dressed in 1920's-50's clothes and it was just like we stepped back in time... to a very confused era of time that wasn't sure which decade it was, but it still looked wonderful! And I just love dressing up. My favourite part of that night though was looking at the view from our hotel. My partner had booked the top floor of an apartment directly in the middle of Sydney city that had windows all around. I wish I had taken a photo, it was if the whole sky was filled with colour and we were in the middle of it. I am...

This is a continuation from my last post. I got a comment from Brandi of http://www.notyouraverageordinary.com/ (no idea how to link people properly...wait I figured it out!) that said it helps to write your intentions on a wall. Well this is kind of a wall isn't it? A virtual one yes, but it will do :) Anyway I thought it was a great idea (thank you Brandi!). I was already thinking about a post like this, after writing down one of the quotes from Rocket Science (yes I know, I am scarily obsessed with this movie): 'Do you want to hear your problem? You have no agenda. Strictly head in the ground material. Look at me. Look at me. I wake up every morning and what do I do? I create an agenda for the day, which is a sub-agenda for the month. Which is in itself a pie-slice of my agenda for life.' Though it was said by the 'miniature Hitler' of the movie, I still really like it. It made me think.. what do I want out of life? And I guess what I would like out of life is t...

It’s time for a change. A life overhaul if you will. I have wasted so much time feeling sorry for myself, blaming the world when things went wrong. Or blaming myself and getting depressed and frustrated... but not doing anything productive or making an effort to change the circumstances I was in. I’m tired of always getting second best simply because that is all I have aimed for. Over the years I have developed an almost learned helplessness. I get into trouble, mess up, then fall back on the people I love and they fix it for me (when it is usually my own mistake). For example I am terrible with money. Absolutely awful. I will agree to do anything at any time regardless of cost, then turn around and realise I can’t pay my phone bill, or afford the bus, or food. Then someone bails me out. I thought moving out would automatically turn me into an adult. I would become responsible over night. Well it turns out I actually have to make an effort and work at this type of thing. It is the sa...

I used to hate winter. Every time the season changed my mood would change with it. I never felt like myself until the cherry blossoms came out and the weather warmed, warming my heart along with it. At the end of last winter I decided I needed to make a change, learn to love all of life, not just the parts that were easy for me. And so this winter I changed my whole outlook on the season. I started venturing out as often as possible, going to cafes or pubs with friends and sitting by fireplaces. I started to take walks and enjoy the feeling of the crisp winter air in the mornings. I watched the season change, and learned to appreciate all of the little things I had never noticed before. The trees becoming bare, and looking so romantic against the sunset. The frost transforming the world, every leaf and blade of grass covered in tiny diamonds. Now, though it's not my favourite season, I have learned to love winter. I love the big cozy jackets and jumpers, the tights and boots, the s...

Lately there has been so much talk about self-esteem. Learning to love yourself. Learning to like yourself. YOU are perfect. And this talk can be good. It can help people who have difficulty accepting themselves. People who hate themselves. And I do agree with it... to some extent. But this talk completely misses another important aspect of life: self improvement. Yes, people should love themselves. Everyone deserves love, you no less than anyone else. But not everyone deserves unconditional like. And that’s the problem. You can like yourself as a whole, that’s healthy. It’s just as important to like yourself as a whole as to love yourself. But you don’t need to like everything about yourself. If you like everything about yourself, then how will you ever grow as a person? How will you ever change? How will you improve your life? How will you improve other’s lives? I am not saying don’t like your imperfections, imperfections can be much more beautiful then perfection. But what about t...